Curious Penseive Collection
by SmallBurnyThing
Summary: A collection of one-shots, interesting ideas and other things that have popped into my head related to the Harry Potter Universe. Current: In the Grim Darkness of the Triwizard Tournament, there is only...
1. Lady Time

_This is the home of one-shots and various other tales I have started but don't intend to finish. Hermione features in a lot of them as she's my favourite character, any comments will be appreciated._

_ Starting it off here is the compulsory time-travel superpowered fic with a little bit of a twist._

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><p><strong>DoM Internal File: Lady Time<strong>

_**Classified**_

_If you can't read this, don't try to._

**Subject: Alice**

_Rational for Employee name_: Subject's only words before passing out where recording as "...like passing through a looking glass." Deemed to be reference to _Alice in Wonderland_. Name upheld by Bloodstone.

_Qualifications_: None

_Medical Complications_: Suspected Non-human, extreme magical power, unstable temporality, high-grade amnesia.

_Salary: _None. Subject is not aware of their employment. Equivalent of standard employee salary put into trust fund when subject comes of age. (See report 3X174DO for likelihood of this occurring)

_Name_: Unknown

_Cover Name_: Alice

_**Wands:**_

_Original: Unknown_

_Current: 7" Pinus longaeva and Hourglass dust_

_**Artifacts:**_

_Experimental Methuselah Wand (Ref: Hourglass Projects)_

_**Log:**_

_31__st__ July 1937 The Hourglass Incident_

In the centre of the Chamber of Times destruction responders noted a young girl, no more than six or seven, dancing around temporal vortexes, anomalies and other broken flows of reality. The Head Unspeakable on the scene, after a few minutes observation used her to mark out the stable areas of the room and ordered her capture as the possible saboteur. Subject's age is reported as fluctuating, and is suspected to have aged at least a year to shake off stunner effects. Subject was eventually tricked into power suppressing cell, which appeared to have the intended effect.

_1__st__ August_

Interrogation via Veritaserum. Subject reveals no knowledge of anything, the most useful remarks being: "All I know is that I don't know what I know." And "Of course I don't, I haven't read that yet.". Inference is that the Subject is somehow connected to time in some way, the possibility for Universe self-correcting to a timetraveller has been dismissed by her statement that the time room simply cannot be broken yet and the rift signatures found in the former time room.

_3__rd__ August_

More exhaustive cross-reference and conversations allows us to infer that the Subject is a witch. Or will be a witch in the department of mysteries. All attempts at recovering her name, wand type, job or others have failed. In conclusion the Subject will now be referred to as Alice, and the current hypothesis is that she was a researcher from an alternate Department of Mysteries whose mind may have been scrambled by a combination of secrecy oaths and the effects of passing through the hourglass.

_4__th__ August_

Alice has been verified to still have her magic and appears to be exhibiting accidental bursts though some control has been shown.

_5__th__ August_

Alice was run through the departments non-magical testing today. Results are inconclusive. She apparently has no concept of personal time and has since been lectured to keep herself in the same time-frame as the rest of us. No matter how boring it may be.

_12__th__ August_

Alice appears to have driven her handlers slowly insane and has started to exhibit signs of retrograde amnesia. Physical scans indicate that she appears to have regressed in age by a month since last measurement. A hypothesis has been suggested that our interrogation and other conversations will now occur in her future, which is puzzling as she made no mention of us in her past.

_20__th__ August_

Attempting to teach Alice French and several other skills has revealed several things about her unique physiology. One, she is an exceptionally fast learner to the point where a hypothesised 'Genius Gift' has been added to her magical talents. Two, her unique was of storing knowledge is consistent up to personal time. Mostly. In what has been dubbed her 'shifted' state of time flux or local acceleration she appears to be able to draw on all sorts of knowledge from various eras or the near future.

_21__st__ August_

Alice enrolled on advanced physical training courses. Physical acumen appears to match mental abilities. She also appears to have aged herself to fifteen.

_31__st__ August_

Alice officially declared as a ward of the department with a verification that no magical relatives, bloodlines or any relatives at all exist. As such her Unspeakable training has begun, beginning with advanced physical skills under the codename Lady Time. When she regresses to too young an age to take part in physical training extensive mental training and conditioning is applied. Alice's innate temporal abilities would be a great asset to the department when her training program is complete.

_**[5 Removed Entries]**_

_17__th__ September_

Alice is hereby removed as an experimental subject due to ritual complications. Any rite, potion or spell dependant in any way on time is hereby banned from being performed on or around her.

_**[Removed Entry]**_

_5__th__ November_

Alice continues to exceed all expectations. Today, as an errand for her current rune master she was sent on an errand to the Cornerstone Library. She was reportedly at that location for an hour. Her internal threat level has been increased as, in that hour, she was more than capable of reading any book contained therein.

_**[13 Removed Entries]**_

_13__th__ January 1938_

As per the proposed training outline Alice today reached the appropriate conditioning level for a trip in the public domain. She exhibited familiarity with Diagon Alley, though Olivanders failed to provide a wand for her. He did, however, accept the materials and designs for the planned Methuselah Wand and _'strongly recommended'_ that we brought Alice with us to collect it. The wandcrafter knows something. His eyes strayed too long on certain parts of her body.

_21__st__ February_

Her wand is nearly complete, for we are almost certain it will be her wand. No doubt about it. Unspeakable Bloodstone has started to exhibit an interest in the girl. So has his partner. Coercion, programming and other methods of control seem to be unravelling as she ages. The headache I have from just listening to her no longer goes away after I've slept. Transferring handling and control of Lady Time to the Non-Existent Department, as per their request.

_7__th__ May_

Alice bonded with her wand today. 7" Pinus longaeva and Hourglass dust. Intense magical study has begun. Bonding occurred at exactly 7AM. The occurrence of so many sevens today is unnerving.

_18__th__ June_

Alice continues to speak in half riddles. No matter what is attempted all conditioning attempts have failed. Memory modifications do not have any effect. It appears she has gained full control of her temporal shifting abilities and is beginning to use them to her advantage. Unspeakable Bloodstone has not given up on her after her February disappearance.

_31__st__ July_

Alice's one-year anniversary with the department, she still cannot remember her name but seems overly happy for some reason. Reported seeing 'him' running through several sections of the department. The Project has been listed as a failure and she has been released to Unspeakable Bloodstone.

_14__th__ August_

Unspeakable Bloodstone has expressed his contempt at our organisation for our treatment of the girl and vowed never to share a single piece of his knowledge with us or the British ministry. The Non-Existent Department has been disbanded, its projects evaluated and most of its staff executed. All knowledge related to Project Chronos has been destroyed.

Lady Time and Bloodstone remain employees of the Department in name and have agreed to assist in occasion, but only in matters directly related to the upcoming war. (Ref: Prophecy 3877).

**Log Ends**

_1__st__ September 1938 - King's Cross Station_

"I don't want to forget again." The young women said as she stood on the empty platform, her back to the wizard and witch behind her. "I'm the oldest I've ever been, and I like it." She stared at them. "I've even started to remember, sometimes, what happened before. Ghost images, passages, things. Yellow eyes. That was a good one. I dreamt of yellow eyes and a muted voice. Timeless."

"We know." The man not that older than the girl said calmly. "But do you believe that you would like this you?" He asked slowly, trying to look anywhere other than at her. "The you that they made down there? What would you do with your life now?"

"I don't know." She stated. "But to go back. To live through all those years without my training, without my knowledge? Even knowing I'll get it back isn't that much help." She asked astounded. "There's a war brewing, a long one. And it won't be over by Christmas."

"All the better that you do it now." The women joined in. "What if the you that lives through your entire life, not just parts of it, is not a killer and then you find out later. You'll have friends, enemies, maybe lovers, you can enjoy life. We'll be there for you."

"I..." The younger women sighed and flicked her wand the elders nodded in their appreciation at the ward. "I am really glad you charmed these school robes bigger. Just think of it as a mission." She told herself, closing her eyes.

She blurred. A cute eleven year old with bushy brown hair and chocolate eyes looked shyly up at the adults with a smile. "Hi, I don't know you yet."

The women smiled, sharing a sad glance with her husband as she knelt down beside the girl. "My apologies, you can call me Pearl, and this is my husband Nick." Her fingers traced the girls cheek as they shared a smile. "Here, I have a few things for you." She pulled a bracelet and a necklace from behind her back. "This is to stop people from seeing how special you are and the necklace is a good luck charm filled with protection spells." She offered them to the young girl who put them on with a look of wonder.

"Thank you." She said with a smile. "I love you too. I'm sure I haven't forgotten anything and you haven't given me an... Or at least I can't remember buying an owl. I can't remembe- I guess it's... yes. Thank you. If I have to." She looked down at the floor.

Nick embraced her in a hug. "Next time, please give us a chance to react before you answer." She blinked. "It's not polite to answer a question before someone's asked it."

"I know, you would have said so. Told me to keep it qui-" Her eyes went wide. "Ooooh. I didn't realise I was the only one who could do it. Thank you." She smiled and hugged him back. "I'll see you in Summer then. _Mais, mon fronçais n'est pas excellente, au revoir._"

"Wait!" Pearl yelled as she started to wander off. "You forgot your trunk!"

The girl stopped dead. "I have a trunk?" She asked, frowning cutely. "Yes, I would, wouldn't I? That train is a lovely shade of red." Sighing she ran back to the adults, grabbed the trunk they had with them and went to investigate the train. She'd hadn't seen a train yet. Well, she was passably sure she hadn't seen a train yet, but would have in another hour. Which is to say... It was a rather shiny red. Like a postbox. But she hadn't seen one of those yet either.

The two adults she left looked at each other. "She doesn't remember anything, does she?"

"No." The man stated sadly, eyes gleaming. "Nothing at all."

"You did what you could." The women said comfortingly, catching the salty liquid as it ran down her husbands face. "She won't grow up to be a slave. That's the important thing." The man shivered.

"But she will always be a weapon." He stated. "I know it was one or the other... I know..." He rolled his shoulders uneasily. "Just as I know why we'll stay out of this war. We're a little old for another child Pearl. I'm getting weary."

"Then perhaps it is time to stop." She turned to stare fondly at the train. "I have a felling she could forge a legacy that would make any mother proud."

"I believe she could as well. Let us see what Hogwarts will bring to her." He conjured a seat for them to share as the others started arriving to board the Express. "I will have to send a missive to Albus and Armond, you know how Dumbledore gets around anyone he feels to be Dark."

"The bracelet will hide it from him." Pearl said calmly. Her husband jerked.

"My god women, you managed to add that as well?" He idly tucked one of her hairs back behind her ear. "The others know not of the miracle they failed to entice into their abodes."

"Twentieth century my dear, twentieth century." Said miracle replied as he slipped back to his roots.

0oooOooo0

"Hello." A cute young boy stood in the doorway to the compartment smiling. At her. "Is it possible to join you?"

"Of course, it's just me." She said happily. "Have a seat, you can take any but I wouldn't advise the ones by the door." He went over to take the seat opposite her as her head rested against cold glass.

"Oh, and why would that be?" He asked with interest. "I'm Tom, by the way. Tom Riddle."

"It's hard to see outside from their." The girl answered. "And I'm..." She blinked. "Hmm, they must have forgotten to tell me my name, how..." There was a ghost. Sitting opposite her. He looked similar to the boy in front of him but there was also a third, red and ignorant. _'I'm Hermione by the way, Hermi-' _"Hermione." She tasted it. "Hermione. Much better than Alice." She blinked again. They where gone.

"So... Hermione," Tom asked nervously.

"You know my name!" The girl said happily. "How did you know my name? Actually, what's my surname? Definitely more important. I think."

He blinked, the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was there again. He'd thought, in this new world he'd stand a chance to be more than that freaky little orphan who everyone was too scared to make fun of but hated anyway. The sneer plastered itself on his face. How he hated people who toyed with him. He'd pick a name, a nice common name, like Mason or Smith or... "Yes, your name is Hermione Potter." He said calmly. She blinked, frowned absently and gazed off into the distance.

"Hermione... Potter." She tried it on for size. "Hermione Potter. It doesn't taste right." She told him. "It tastes like a could have been, or maybe a should have been. But not me." She curled her legs up and hugged them close as her eyes stared off into the distance. "Potter... why does that mean something?" She asked, her eyes closed. "Tell me- Oh, I guess I am. Perfectly." Her tone was suddenly sarcastic and she glared at him. "Well that's not very nice. I-" She froze. "I did it again, didn't I? Stupid, stupid, stupid."

Tom stood up slowly. "You're insane." He stated.

"We've had this discussion already." The girl said. "Well, would have had this discussion if I hadn't interrupted."

Tom just shook his head and fled, leaving the crazy girl to be crazy all on her own.

OoooOoooO

Half an hour of being sneered at or ignored for various discrepancies of blood-status (from the wizards), social class (from the muggleborn) later he found him he found himself back in the same dull carriage. A brown haired ball curled up in the corner reading a freshly minted copy of Hogwarts: A History upside down.

"I've read it before. I think." She said without him making a sound. "But it's not this book, so it's a not-new book. But it's too boring to read the right way up." She looked over the book at him and put it down. "I apologise for earlier, I find it difficult to stay in the same... frame of mind as everyone else."

"You have a gift, don't you?" Tom asked after a moment of hesitation, sitting down in the chair opposite her. She looked at him and smiled.

"You can talk to snakes can't you?" He nodded, opening his mouth to speak. "And make bad things happen to bad people." She put the words into his mouth.

"You can see the future." Tom stated firmly.

"I don't see the future as much as... loose track of the present. Fortunately yesterday doesn't exist for me at the moment." She froze. "Oh yeah, this is supposed to be a secret, you can keep one of those, can't you?"

Smiling for the first time that day Tom chuckled to himself. "If you can keep mine, certainly." There was a moment of hesitation. "Friends?" He asked a little warily and it was her tiurn to smile.

"That would be nice, I've never had many friends." She pondered idly. "I think." Their door slid open. "I might not remember that tomorrow."

"Anything from the trolley dears?" _Green eyes looked up with surprise, wrinkles ghosted onto her face. A comment was made..._

She blinked. "Come back here you filthy gutter rat!" Someone screamed, a spell slammed into the cart. Boiling hot tea splashed over the chairs by the door.

Tom looked at her and she shrugged. Those seats really weren't good to sit on. _A chocolate frog jumped through the air..._

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><p><em>AN: I was originaly intending to go through the various years of Hogwarts, slowly unravelling what happened to Hermione in the DoM along with the pair's stance on the war, various adventures and the usual Riddle stuff you can get in. I found that I'm unfortunately not a good enough writer  plotter to come up with a reliable story._

_If anyone wants to pick this and run with it, please do so as I would be quite interested to see your results.  
><em>


	2. Resistance

_AN: This is my take on a Hermione betrays Harry situation. It's not my favourite plot but the idea snuck into my head a few months ago and I felt like I needed to publish something. Updates to my other stories are pretty much done, I'm just caught on minor details and trying to do Uni work._

_For the sake of convenience this one-shot starts near the beginning sixth year in your stereotypical betrayal fic._

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><p><strong>Resistance<strong>

_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap. _Hermione's pen beat against the side of her notebook as she sat there, any pretence of studying and work forgotten as she stared at the empty space on the other end of the table. The door opened with a creak, Harry Potter stepped through. Her heart lurched and he had the look in his eyes of a man who had been broken by the world. It was definitely him.

Without a word he fell into the chair opposite. Five vials, three books, a bracelet and a small notepad sat in front of him. An eyebrow was raised speculatively.

"What's this for?" He asked after a moment of them staring at each other.

"I owe you a debt." Hermione stated softly as she stood, gesturing at the items in front of him. "This is my repayment of that."

Harry snorted. "I heard Ron and Ginny talking on the train two days ago. Is this more amortentia?" He popped open the bottle, snapping it shut quickly before gagging. "I guess not. What are you planning this time?"

"How much do you remember this time?" Hermione asked sadly, her muggle stationary blending into the fabric of her cloak as it left this plane of existence. Harry looked away.

"I remember something about my accounts, money being transferred to you, Ron, the Weasleys and Dumbledore... The conversation, amortentia. Something about upping the dose." He looked up at her with a look of disgust. "I thought we were friends?" Hermione shrugged.

"After the troll Dumbledore came to me with an offer I couldn't refuse." She lent forward. "Honestly, Harry. I prefer to be a willing slave than grow up under so many charms and potions that I'd never have a chance of freedom. It's taken me over five years to get to this point, but I've finally done it." She smirked in a very Slytherin manner, gesturing to the potions. "Take the first four quickly and write a note to yourself so that you'll take the last one in about a week. Wear the bracelet always and don't take it off. Not that you should be able to. The books... are something you'll find enlightening." She steepled her fingers and smiled without it reaching her eyes.

"What is it, a compilation of your betrayals?" He asked snarkily. "I don't understand this, you've always been there for me and now this? What do these even do?"

"The first three books are about manners, pureblood society and the Potter's & Black's place in it. The notebook is for when Dumbledore obliviates you this evening. It contains a list of inconsistencies that should jog your memory. The bracelet - you don't want to know, but it will save your life." She took a breath, looking away. "The first potion is an antidote to amortentia, the second a general dismissal potion that will purge magic from your body - don't worry you'll recover quickly enough. I certainly did. The third is a little something I created to shatter compulsion charms and give you a dislike of the conditioned behaviour. The fourth is to prevent you from dying from the other three."

"And the fifth?" He asked after a moment.

"You'll find out when you drink it." She said firmly. Harry pondered the items for a second, flipping through the books before looking straight at her.

"I hate you." He stated, reaching for a vial.

"I know." Hermione replied, ignoring the small twisted ache in her heart as he downed vial after vial.

It started with a cough. A slow wind started forming around the edges of the room. Emerald fires began dancing along his skin and hair. The chair shot backwards as he fell, stomach clutched as his jaw froze in an expression of agony. The floor cracked beneath him as coloured mists and dancing lights evaporated from his twitching form.

Hermione sat at the desk, unmoving as the pale gold ash of a life debt dissolved into the air around her. Her eyes locked on the questions in his eyes.

He didn't hate her, really. After all, you needed a reason to resist amortentia. She, of all people, knew that. His eyes closed between her blinks and she stood slowly, raising one shaking wand to her former friend's body.

It hung there like a strand of hay caught in the wind.

The wand fell to her side and she pretended, for a minute that they could run away, escape. Avoid the mockery of a society the wizarding world lived and for once in their lives endure a happily ever after. It would be so very easy to hope. Her eyes narrowed.

"_Legilimens_." Harry's mind was a broken, shattered maelstrom - a pile of chaos bereft of its magic and the artificial struts and supports that prevented recall or reinforced ideas. The meeting was at the forefront where she expected it to be. A frayed thing with emotional context. Erasing it was impossible, hiding it wouldn't work but changing it- a detail here. A detail there. Sleek black hair. Blue eyes. Taller. More elegant robes. The human mind never really pays much attention to the small things and the details were easy to implant.

Harry Potter might want to believe that Hermione Granger gave him these items but his memories would show someone completely different. It was for the greater good of Hermione Granger that no one suspect her part in this. The door clicked shut and faded from sight as she took a passage to her next appointment. The sleeves of her robe damp as she wiped her face clean.

~ O ~

Draco rubbed the bridge of his nose again, blinking furiously to try and get some moisture back into his eyes. He'd been staring at this page for a good half an hour, with nothing to show for it. Runic arrays, dimensional arithmancy and some vague references to magical theory he'd never even heard of. Severus was breathing down his neck to get this bloody thing done... He sighed in exasperation, closing the book with a thud.

Crabbe and Goyle looked up, fear flickering across their expression. The sheer idiocy of the moment caused Draco to stifle a chuckle as he watched them try to work out what they'd done now. To think it had only taken him five minutes to get them to confess that their only goal in life was to be better than their fathers. Such a small ambition to get sorted into Slytherin on.

"I'm going to head to Ravenclaw tower, to request additional tutoring from Flitwick and possibly even McGonagal if I have to." He told them firmly, but kindly. "You can meet me back in the dorms." They nodded and quickly shuffled off, leaving Draco to put away his books in peace. Hell, the way this was going he'd be guaranteed the Head Boy position just through the extra learning he needed to put in to make this work. Fixing a vanishing cabinet, he shook his head as he turned round the shelf. That was mastery level work-

Draco span of the girl he's walked into as she swayed to the side, leaving empty air between him and floor, the book he'd been carrying bouncing along the floor. "Apologies, I expected you to still be at your table." Draco got to his knees slowly as the girl reached down and picked up his book. "Ah, yes, I remember this one." She muttered almost to herself as she stroked the title.

"Give it back, Granger." Malfoy demanded reluctantly as he recognised the girl with _straight _brown hair and the most disturbingly Slytherin smirk.

"Of course." She said softly, holding it out for him. "It wouldn't do for me to be caught with an illegal book, would it?" The surface rippled as he took it _'Moste Potente Potions' _was scrawled on the cover and his eyes searched quickly for the wand she'd cast with.

"W-what do you want, Granger?" His voice trembled in spite of himself as the hand he'd assumed to be holding a thin stick of wood drew what looked like a letter from her pocket.

"In the name of my liege, the Lady Ravenclaw, I have been asked to convey this to your Lord." She spoke ritualistically, holding it out for him to take. The black wax seal of a Raven clear on its back. Malfoy's eyes darted between Hermione's gaze, the letter, and her clothes.

Swallowing his pride, Malfoy dredged up the the appropriate response from his lessons all those years ago. "I will ensure it reaches him expediently and with secrecy. I..." He struggled with the wording for the next bit and her smirk grew more pronounced as his hand took the parchment gingerly. "Thank you for your trust in these troubled times." Hermione nodded to him and started walking away from the Slytherin.

Malfoy looked up from the letter as he slowly regained control of his emotions. "Granger." He risked calling after her. "When did you learn how to act like your betters?"

"My name isn't just Granger." Hermione lied, not even looking back as she left the library.

~ O ~

"That is all she said?" The Dark Lord asked with a faint spark of interest in his voice. "Interesting." The Malfoy's fidgeted nervously as the ghostly raven conjured by breaking the letter's seal faded from existence. "You did well in bringing this to my attention. I thought the family had dropped the second part of their surname when they hid from Grindlewald but I am perhaps remiss in that estimation."

"What do you mean, my Lord?" Lucius asked hesitantly.

"Surely a Slytherin as cunning as yourself can work that out." The Dark Lord hissed with a rare smile. "Until then restrain yourself from insulting the girl..." He trailed off, eyes falling to the elegant scrawl that had started this. "Leave." He commanded, turning his eyes back down to the letter in his hands from someone who was cutting disturbingly close to the truth.

'_Thomas Marvolo Riddle,_

_Let us skip past the outrage and the irritation you are sure to express over my use of your given name. It is, after all, merely a ploy to attract your attention. When I first set out my goals and began gathering my followers I believed that we would be quite firmly at each others throats. Now, I am not so certain. You are... Inconsistent._

_A genius with limited spell repertoire, a master occlumens ruled by your emotions. A pureblood supremacist who slaughters them like cattle. A leader who hates his followers. You are a mass of contradictions that I cannot quite put together into a coherent picture. _

_I know my reading of the situation and your past could well be incorrect and that our current goals cannot be compatible but once you have discarded your current mask, well, the future is uncertain._

_Morain Ravenclaw, _

_Dark Lady in Training'_

Flames licked at the corner of the parchment as Tom Riddle discarded his illusions and began revising the plans lurking deep within his mind. Over twenty years of work... seen through so easily... The investment was meaningless in terms of his lifetime but he had no intention of seeing it fail. None at all.

The Dark Lord smiled, Sapphire eyes falling on the ancient Norse soothsaying runes he'd acquired in the summer of '64. Maybe fate was smiling on him for a change.

~ O ~

Hermione's lips pursed as she stripped down in one of the many corridors out of the castle. Her variant of the Marauders map declared her free of observation, so she dropped a hair clipping into the potion vial and downed it.

A black haired, blue eyes twenty-something women picked up the shirt, trousers and other gear she'd chosen based loosely on the fashions of action movie heroines. She shifted uneasily, stretching and nodding to herself as she readjusted to her current bodies center of balance. A pair of enchanted sunglasses completed the look and a smirk crossed her face.

"Well, we certainly look the part, don't we." She muttered to herself, before starting towards the first meeting of her followers. Hermione Granger had slipped her chains and this world was going to pay for putting them on her in the first place. After all, term was ending in a month and this summer wasn't going to be spent learning how to be a hairdresser.

She had an old man to kill and a government to bring down.


	3. Immortality and Immorality

Thomas Riddle was the most intelligent and most powerful wizard to have walked the halls of Hogwarts. Hermione Granger wasn't the only one taking all the courses in third year. Thus an idea is derived.

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><p><strong>~ Third Year: First Impressions are Everything ~ <strong>

"Granger-" Someone called after her as she darted away from the boys. "Granger-" Damn, she was being followed and she didn't have much time unless she wanted to spend a whole hour sitting around doing nothing. "Hermione." The blond Slytherin yelled a little sharply as she rounded the corner. "I'm afraid I left my time-turner in the dorm this morning and I don't feel like waiting around for half an hour when the libraries closed."

"How did you?" Hermione blinked, shaking her head from side to side. "That's impossible- it just- How the hell did I not notice you were in the same classes as me?" She looked at the other girl with confusion. "I should have noticed..."

The other Slytherin just snorted. "Why do muggleborn use parchment and quills? Why do they fear the Dark Lord's name?" She shrugged. "Someone messing with your head in the name of tradition of course, now I'll need to hold onto the chain when you spin the hourglass back, since that's the part with the safety charms." Hermione was still struggling with the concept. "We can talk about it in the library when it opens, two turns should do it."

Without anything better to do, she did just that.

It was the beginning of an enlightening and disturbing couple of years.

**~ Fourth Year: The Slytherin Solution ~**

"You're looking at this from completely the wrong angle." Daphne explained as Hermione threw the third book down in disgust. "Don't look at the rules of the tournament, look at how the contract is enforced- you don't need to find a get out clause, just stop the punishment."

"It can't be his own magic that's enforcing it since it wasn't voluntary." Hermione mused to herself. "So that leaves..." She trailed off. "Where's the section on enchanted objects?"

Daphne looked up from her sixth year transfiguration book at the other sixteen year old in their year and rolled her eyes. "This is about the tournament, isn't it?"

"If the Goblet created the contract under the effects of a confundus it'll be responsible for its enforcement. We need to work out where it gets that power from." Hermione stated firmly. Daphne looked up at her with a raised eyebrow.

"It can't possibly be that simple." She stated coldly, pulling the glittering hourglass from under her robes and sighed. "You get put at the bottom of a lake as part of some hair-brained task and suddenly Crusader Granger comes out in force to right wrongs and thoroughly vanquish whatever bastard left her alone and freezing at the bottom of a lake without a wand." Daphne raised an eyebrow. "And you have the nerve to call me vicious and vindictive."

Hermione just glared at her. "Do you want to help, or not?" Daphne merely inclined her head as they walked behind the nearest bookcase and went back three hours.

~ O ~

"You said you wanted to get out the tournament, right?" Harry nodded, still refusing to put his wand away. "Well, we came up with a plan that will stop you from having to compete." The two girls shared a look.

"_We_, Granger?" The Slytherin asked mockingly. "Last time I checked this was almost entirely your scheme, I do hope you're not setting me up." She sighed theatrically. "Woe is me, I listened to a Slytherin and she did insert the finest of silver daggers in my back. That reminds me, did you get around to harvesting that Acromantula venom?" The smirk crept onto her face as Harry's shocked expression snapped to the Gryffindor.

Hermione simply smirked back. "Do you want to see the chamber or not?" She asked theatrically before turning back to the completely clueless boy. "Don't worry she's always like this. I swear they breed paranoia down there." Daphne snorted. "But if you want to get out of the tournament, all you need to do is destroy the Goblet of Fire." Hermione explained happily and a tentative smile worked its way onto Harry's face before falling away.

"But if it was that easy, surely someone would have done it in the past?" Harry asked nervously, staring at the older girls. "I mean, it must be behind layers and layers of wards, I..."

"It's in the trophy room for all to see," Daphne cut off his reasoning with a roll of his eyes, "protected by a bit of enchanted glass." She held up a small rune-engraved stone. "This will negate the alarms and dissolve the protections, but it's not powerful enough to destroy the cup, since that's been charging off a ley-line for the last merlin knows how many years of its existence." She smiled and patted his head, ignoring the flinch he tried to hide. "Don't worry though, Basilisk venom should do the trick, just remember to hold the fang at the sides and not to touch the pointy bit." She smiled as he glared impotently up at her.

Later that night, after the disappointment of the chamber of secrets they watched a young teen struggle to choose his life or the existence of an irritatingly poorly designed magical artefact that had been created before they'd even heard of Elder Sanskrit, let alone Wabanaki. "The level of angst on display is rather irritating." Daphne commented from the back of the trophy room. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that we're members of the same species."

"He's only fourteen." Hermione commented with a sad smile. "Think of him as an amusing younger brother that cares too much about the old bastard's opinions. He is kinda cute." The fang plunged down, nothing screamed, exploded or otherwise went wrong. it fizzled, popped and four arcs of magic flared out before snapping in half. "Well, I think that went well." She said loudly enough for Harry to hear. "Now, if I was you I'd still enter the task anyway but sit at the entrance, just incase there's any residue. It's that or hide in the deepest darkest corner you can find so Dumbledore doesn't drag you out there anyway, for the Greater Good of course." He just blinked before Daphne shot an obliviate charm in his direction.

"What?" The blonde snapped. "This way he thinks it's his own fault and took this task upon himself in the name of honour, martyrdom and not getting both of us expelled or killed. I'll see you in the runes aile tomorrow?" Hermione nodded and went to help him back to his dorm.

And that was how Voldemort's resurrection was postponed. By all of three hours as Barty Crouch (Junior) had to drag his trunk past the wards to portkey the real Mad-Eye to the graveyard.

**~ Fifth Year: There is Always a Bigger Fish... ~**

"Drinking already?" Hermione asked as she slipped into their warded little space in the library. Buried deep in the depths of the restricted section, only those of strong will could stand to walk amongst the books that surrounded it. The wards on top of that made finding their little hideaways almost impossible. "We've still got a week before the end of term and I'm planning on staying here over the holidays."

"We are of age." Daphne said as she swished the wine around the glass. "I checked."

"By attempting to remove the trace?" Hermione asked callously as she skimmed the books arrayed on their table. "What brought this on?"

Daphne looked up at her. "I got a letter back from my parents. Dumbledore is telling the truth, He's back. Apparently I'm going to be marked at a special ceremony at new year..." Hermione frowned.

"That's not normal." She stated warily. "Is it?"

"No." Daphne answered honestly. "No it's not, and that worries me. So, I need to kill him first even if it takes me all the _time_ I have left. My main problem so far is what stopped him from dying the first time." She said a little solemnly.

"_Our_ main problem." Hermione replied firmly and Daphne's attention snapped to her. "I'm a muggleborn friend of Harry, I'll be first on his list of people to kill. I'm not doing this because I'm fond of you or anything, God knows you broke me of that habit a long time ago." Hermione trailed off. "I'm rambling aren't I?" Daphne nodded and turned back to her book. "He's not going to be using a Horcrux, it would be below him." Hermione, commented, reading over shoulder.

The blond looked up at her with confusion. "How do you know that?"

"The Dark Lord Voldemort also known Thomas Marvolo Riddle was the best student to ever make it through Hogwarts, not as good as us, of course, but back then no one was idiotic enough to give teenagers the ability to travel back in time at will." She cocked her head to the side. "Harry's a right goldmine of information when he needs to be, I think the poor kids relieved to have someone talking to him after the end of last year."

"And Horcrux's were developed prior to Hogwarts..." Daphne continued her line of reasoning. "Not to mention the documented side-effects. So what we're more likely looking for is probably some form of Phylactory. Not his wand though, that would be too risky if he was caught in fiendfyre or similar..." She pondered. "So how do we find it?"

"Well, I've always wanted the chance to try out some scrying spells" Hermione informed her with a smirk.

~ O ~

**Three Months Later (or one week, according to the calendar)**

The two girls jumped with all the effort they could muster as the old and shattered bridge gave way beneath them, the giant skeletal dragon falling into the Fiery Pit of Doom as its wings flapped ineffectually. "That." Hermione got out between pants. "Was taking. The piss."

"Why did you yell 'Thou shall not pass'?" Daphne asked as she stumbled to her feet. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you but this entire thing is getting really irritating. We're supposed to be looking for a phylactery, not... whatever the fuck this is."

"This entire hallway." Hermione gestured around her. "Is straight out of a muggle book, except with less flesh and the noticeable lack of a giant infernal demon thing which worries me, because that phrase should not have opened the door unless this is some kind of test."

Daphne sighed, then looked down at the entrance of the doorway they'd entered through. Two lines of what could have been sand lay entrenched in the floor. "It's definitely a trap." She muttered despondently, pointing at the floor. "I'll bet you that those are age and gender lines and that there's a nigh-unbreakable one-way ward on that door."

Hermione's diagnostic spell did indeed reveal just that. "I don't know whether I should be disturbed or flattered that this place seems set-up to trap extremely knowledgeable women between the ages of seventeen and twenty-four." She said uneasily. "We are sure this is where the spell pointed us?"

"Very." Daphne responded dryly as the ceiling started coming down with a grinding sound. "Oh come on, you could at least give us a bit of a rest?" Nothing answered and the ceiling kept on falling at a mind-numbingly slow speed.

"This is the most cliche death trap." Hermione muttered softly to herself as her detection charms caused several of the tiles to glow impending doom red a few others glowed prank-charm blue. "Or not." She muttered as her next charm revealed the tile in front of her to contain some kind of clothing transfiguration, the one after that was a bondage spell. "Help me defuse this one over here?" Daphne nodded tiredly as they got to work.

Two hours, several death traps, a large number of minor inconveniences later they managed to tumble down a chute and into a room with no exit. "I surrender." Daphne croaked out as they just lay there.

Nothing happened.

Nothing continued to happen for quite some time.

Hermione sat up, with a suspicious frown on her face eyes darting around the reasonably warm stone room. It was empty apart from a rather large silver goblet sitting on a plinth. There was a plaque at the base. A rather long plinth. With a groan she started to read it.

'_Congratulations my plucky young heroine(s) you have proved yourself(selves) worthy to become my minions. If you accept, all you need to do is drink from the chalice, if you don't feel free to sit there and die of thirst. You've tried to kill me permanently, I have no sympathy left for you. Oh, and for those of you thinking you can always betray me later, drinking from the chalice implies implicit acceptance of an artefact-enforced contract binding you to accept a compulsive bond of my choosing at a later date. The penalty should be obvious._

_I look forward to your eternal service:_

_The Nerd Lord_

_PS. For those of you who aren't plucky young heroines and have somehow managed to avoid the plethora of non-tests designed to eradicate or enslave your soul I leave you a hint: My Phylactery is in another castle.'_

"We are so fucked." She groaned. Daphne agreed from the floor.

Half an hour later the blonde broke, getting slowly to her feet as Hermione carried on casting spell after spell at the walls. A trembling hand checked the goblet, straight silver, no magic but the water inside lit up the room. Hermione whirled to face her. "I was hoping he'd have left the artefact he was using in the room." She said, shakily picking up the goblet. She looked into her companions pleading brown eyes and took a sip. "A painful death, the Dark Lord, or this." She put goblet back on the plinth as the potion in the goblet knocked her unconscious and teleported her away.

~ O ~

'_Do you agree to serve me faithfully until the end of time...'_ The whispers echoed round her head. _'Hit with your body, not your arm-'_ Phantom pain danced along limbs. _'...and to love and cherish you as my companion. In return I will...' _That was her memory so it went there then- _'Mix corsican devil root with Acromantula venom and you get an effective paste to coat a blade...' _That one wasn't hers so it got put in the section with the other poisons. There were definitely a lot of them in there.

Spiders, archery, gymnastics, poisons, guns, fitness, physical combat training. There were so many memories echoing around in her head. That one there was an eidetic recall of the karma sutra. Not something she wanted to touch in a hurry, a professional knowledge of haircutting. The sorting went on and on. Finally it was done and she opened her eyes to face a new day-

Her scream woke the only sleeping inhabitant within the house as she spun to the side, fell off the bed and tried to cover her eyes. The world was bloody bright. "Daphne, was that you?" A voice asked whilst she blinked the spots from her eyes as they adapted to the brightness. It was far louder than she was used to, and there was this strange music echoing from somewhere else and birds were chirping in trees.

"It's me." She supplied, "Be careful when opening your eyes, the room's... bright. Some bloody idiot opened the-" The figure in the bed on the other-side of the room stirred and sat up and Hermione lost her voice. The other girl looked no older than fifteen with greyish purple skin, white hair and long pointy ears that twitched from side to side.

"What the hell is that music?" She asked irritably as Hermione looked down to see her own smooth greyish purple skin and swallowed down the panic.

"If you two are quite finished screaming, do you mind getting dressed and coming down here." They flinched as someone yelled from downstairs. The girls frowned as they stared at each other the need to be somewhere else was slowly building.

"Leaving the fact that we appear to be a very exotic form of House Elf aside, do you reckon we should go for sexy or cute?" Daphne asked nervously before answering her own question. "Sexy it is, we might as well make the best of this. Being a bed elf is better than a house elf after all." She mused opening draw after draw. "What the hell?" She asked reaching the end and pulling out a pair of lacy things.

"You've never seen lingerie before?" Hermione asked with surprise as she tried to find something that was A) In her size and B) Didn't look like something a teenage male wished women wore. She pulled out some kind of slinky rubber-esque armoured catsuit thing. The hell?

~ O ~

A blue eyed, black haired twenty year old was sat in a den made of bean bags as some strange muggle technical device that showed a squarish person in a red hat jumping around collection galleons as japanese words changed and that annoying music played. Smooth black string was tangled all over the floor connecting strange boxes to strange boxes. "Take a seat." He ordered the girls without taking his eyes off the thing as he pushed a button on the oddly shaped contraption in his hand and the screen darkened. It was rather crudely made of glowing dots now she looked at it closely. "Sorry, it came out in Japan today and I couldn't resist acquiring a copy. I will admit it's one of the best games I've ever played. Now I guess you have some questions?" He asked as they sat down either side of him.

Daphne's heart thudded a little faster as his arm went around her side and she couldn't stop herself snuggling against him. Damn the bloody vow and damn him for being so damn cute. By the blush creeping onto Hermione's face she obviously felt the same. "Who are you?" She asked, almost flinching at the amount of awe her flutey voice held.

"I knew there was something I forgot to add." He muttered slightly despondently. "I am Thomas Riddle, evil genius extraordinaire, lich and all round immoral immortal. I'm not Lord Voldemort." He stated firmly, anticipating their next question. "Lord Voldemort is the twisted enslaved remains of Abraxas Malfoy who really shouldn't have dedicated our first six years at Hogwarts to making my life a living hell." He smiled fondly in remembrance.

"Then why..." Hermione asked softly from his other side.

"That's a difficult question, it's going to be easier if I give you a brief history of the magical world from my perspective." He carried on. "Imagine that you're a muggleborn orphan at Hogwarts, sorted into Slytherin where everyone treats you like shit. After the second year you're better at Defense than the teachers, counter-curses than the charms professor and potions and antidotes just to have to been able to survive that long. All the while Dumbledore, who by the way was in charge of discipline as Deputy Head, completely ignores you and tells you 'It's just a prank' or 'I'm sure they didn't mean too' or even 'well it sounds like you deserved it then'." He mimicked the old man's voice perfectly. "He also ended up giving me weeks of detention every times I tried to fight back, the pureblood obsessed bastard."

"He changed in fourth year, of course, a family emergency or something suddenly changed his views to the paragon of light and forgiveness or some rot like that." Riddle sighed. "It was too little too late in my book, by that point all my housemates were trying to kill me or stay out my way and I was on my way to becoming a master necromancer, which I managed in sixth year along with finding a ritual that allowed me to talk to snakes, though ravens are better conversationalists." He added as an aside. "That let me convince everyone I was the Heir of Slytherin, a little bit of lying convinced them I was related to the Gaunt family and suddenly everyone wanted to kiss my ass. Alas there isn't actually any difference between muggleborn and purebloods so my attempt to kill the bastards with a basilisk didn't quite work out as planned."

He shrugged and held them a little closer. "Then the bastard went and did something to Grindelwald, catapulted himself to the highest echelons of power and took over magical Britain in the name of his Greater Good. So after Hogwarts I travelled the world stealing, learning and practising the most powerful magic I could for about twenty years or so. Achieved immortality, went to MIT and came back, only to find that things had gotten worse."

He smiled faintly and looked at the two teens in his arm in turn, their adorable ruby eyes staring back up at him. He was going to have so much fun in about twenty years or so when they'd both matured a little and could fit in all those delectable costumes. "Now, imagine you're a completely immoral immortal bastard who would much rather spend his time playing games, enjoying life and learning things than taking over the world. You are faced with a dilemma- the most advanced magical civilisation on the planet, and trust me they are, is a backwards piece of shite that's not going to produce anything interesting or fun in the next the millenium. So, taking inspiration from what happened to the non-magical world in the decades after World War Two you come up with a plan..." He trailed off.

"Create a backlash against the traditionalists whilst the war motivates research?" Hermione asked tentatively, drawing on the small amount of history she'd been taught before Hogwarts and her reading since.

"Precisely." A nice warm feeling spread in her chest as he smiled down at her and squeezed her slightly. "My former school buddies were first on the list, both as members and victims, lethifolds were squeezed into items as fake Horcruxes, purebloods died by the dozen. It was gloriously bloody, innovation was up, chaos was up, muggleborn were actually being employed and managing to start businesses, there was even a female teacher at Hogwarts. Then I decided to end it in a nice, martyr driven way- The Dark Lord stopped by the most brilliant innovative witch of her generation. Who just so happened to be a muggleborn I'd helped a time or two but ended up on the wrong side of a Black." His eyes narrowed. "Such a shame that bastard broke out of Azkaban."

"I went back to travelling the world, devising evil schemes, playing games and that sort of thing, happy that when I turned my attention back to that world it might even have achieved a democracy, or at least some form of social equality and common sense." Tom frowned. "Alas Albus bloody Dumbledore had decided that he needed to bugger everything up. Again. He even got the bloody martyr wrong and it's far too late to correct public opinion now. I'd think he was trying to create another version of me, but Mister Potter is an idiot who very nearly failed last year without your help. The two of you can guess the rest I imagine."

"Quite." Daphne replied drolly as her mind struggled to consolidate his version of events with the ones she'd been taught from an early age. "I fail to see where we come into this or why we're now some kind of elf?"

He chuckled. "I'm Immortal, my pet. Eternity can be a very long time if you spend it alone and there's no way in hell I'm going to trust any of the other immortals out there. I'm also permanently stuck at the physical age of twenty-two and whilst I'm not a horny teenager, the idea of having some extremely attractive, ridiculously intelligent young women I can trust implicitly is a bit of a turn on. In the thirty years since I first came up with the idea it's been slowly twisted and added to, and I came with tests and plans and rituals... most of which I've already performed on you. Then I came upon this lovely little role-playing game called Dungeons and Dragons." The grin that lit up his face was almost feral.

"In one of the settings for this game there was this most diabolically adorable race of elves that lived in the harsh world of the Underdark. They were hedonistic, ridiculously attractive, vicious, the most powerful race in the setting, stupidly powerful magic users and received racial bonuses to Dex and Int. They also live to about a thousand years of age, even if they mature slower." Both girls blushed and looked down at their budding chests that used to be completely filled in.

They sat in silence for a while, the game looping on its background music before Tom felt the need to fill it. "So, err, you don't really need to sleep much have the best night vision magic can create, have enhanced senses, magic resistance, poison resistance, can talk to spiders, snakes and a bunch of other things I've forgotten about. You're not actually Drow since they don't exist, but you do have maturing slower thing and look like them. That's the result of a mixture of me giving you a form of immortality. The youth bit is is a result of the rebirth rite I had to use to stop some things from killing you when I made a mistake..." He trailed off as the silence got awkward.

"So... what are we going to do now?" Hermione asked after another five minutes of staring awkwardly at a pause screen.

Tom sighed, and flicked a finger at the screen, causing the entire system to power down. "Well, you're probably a little hungry so I was thinking we could glamour you up, fix your choice of clothing." He gave a pointed look at the not there-ness of Daphne's top. "Then head out for a meal. After that, well, I was thinking we could get to know each other a little better whilst watching some anime?"

"What's anime?" Daphne asked in a hasty attempt to change the subject.

The man beside them froze. "You don't know what anime is?" He blinked. "Heresy." Daphne shivered as they stood up, clothes conjuring themselves round her body as an illusion flickered over the skins, crafting them into ethereal beauties with only a passing resemblance to their former selves. "Let's go and eat, we have a long night ahead of us. I should probably put some manga in your rooms as well..." He carried on muttering under his breath as reality caved in around them and they walked into high class pizzeria, arms tucked round their waists.

Later that night a dark blush would etch itself onto Hermione's face as she realised just where the skimpy outfits in her wardrobe had come from and the occasional _'Oh yeah, you should be able to do that.' _wasn't helping. With them only needing two hours of 'meditation' a day and the stamina of a magical creature crafted by the most powerful wizard alive... She snuggled into the man who'd captured her, cursing and loving the bond that made her _want_ to be his companion in any way that mattered. Or maybe that was just her, she thought as she came to a disturbing realisation as his hand shifted further away from her arse.

He was kind of like Harry. But smarter, older, more powerful and Evil.

After all, he'd stolen hundreds of peoples memories just to give them everything they needed to be masters of every form of physical combat so they could defend themselves, slaughtered countless magical beings for ingredients and parts, sacrificed more than a few Death Eaters as part of rituals to ensure they were the best magical young women they could be and all he asked in return was their friendship. He certainly seemed incapable of pushing for more.

Maybe, just maybe, she'd wear that demon hunter catsuit for him. In a week or two.

* * *

><p>AN: Amusingly, the timeframe for the first N64 game just about right for first term fifth year pluss about seven months worth of rituals. The Drow here are not based off 3rd ed rules (in universe they've just hit AD&amp;D2.5) but off the novel descriptions mixed with liberal amounts of anime, manga and other fantastical things. As usual, if anyone wants to continue or use any of the ideas here, feel free.<p>

Omake (by me when somewhat sleep deprived, you have been warned):

**The Roleplaying Session**

Hermione closed her eyes and relished the feeling of air rippling across her face, lifting her up and away as the traffic blared out beneath her. Her feet hit asphalt with a thud as she shifted into a roll, a route across the rest of the rooftops already planned. It had taken the better part of a month to get these reflexes out of her memory and properly into her muscles but damn, it was _fun._

Tom checked his pocket watch again, watching the second hand tick on. The girls were going to make him late, again. He sighed, and Daphne appeared next to him with a crack. "Who won?" He asked with a faint smile at her irritated expression.

"She jumped a bloody highstreet!" The blonde elf exclaimed incredulously, "It's like she's trying to kill herself or something there's no way in hell I am doing something that stupid for a game of tag." He couldn't help it. Daphne's mouth opened further as she watched her lord and master slowly descend into a fit of giggles.

There was an almost silent swish-clatter before brunette hair streaked round her faster than humanly possible, tackled Tom in a hug and stuck her tongue down his throat. Breaking the kiss off and licking her lips Hermione turned to her sister and smiled at her expression. "I win." She said sweetly, before dragging her frozen master up the stairs behind her. "Come on, we don't want to be late!"

~ O ~

"So." Camilla stated to the other two members of the room, running a tongue nervously over her fangs. "Dave is out, his work's moving him to America which leaves only three of us. I'd be happy to run something but I'm not sure what kind of game I could run with two people, D'n'D is out and Pendragon is a little dodgy with only two knights." The vampire looked sheepishly at the pair of humans.

Mike frowned, nervously fiddling with his glasses. "I've got a couple of hackups I want to try at some point, anyone know when Tom's coming back? He did say he'd only be away for a month or two."

Steve rolled his eyes. "That was what, nine months ago?" He commented dryly. "What's up?" He asked suddenly as their groups sole female jumped out of her chair and started looking around crazily.

"Someone's coming." She said rapidly, eyes narrowing to slits as a pair of fangs grew from her incisors. "It doesn't smell human. Hide, quickly!" She yelled at them, eyes darting from side to side as the doorbell rang.

"Oh yeah." Someone stated from the other side of the door. "I forgot she took my keys back."

"Ex of yours?" A more feminine voice asked sharply as Carmilla gasped.

"Tom?" She asked herself in amazement. "What the hell are you doing with... whatever the hell they are?"

The door clicked open to reveal one cute but otherwise ordinary young man with a pair of young teenage girls. The blonde one sighed. "You forgot to mention that one of your roleplaying group was a vampire."

"I was going to mention it on the way up?" Tom said sheepishly, "She took my keys back when I had to go away for a few months to empower you two. We weren't dating." The brunette went from glaring at him, to snuggling in the time it took for Mike's heart to beat once.

Carmilla's fangs slowly receded into her gums as the vampire part of her mind processed just how much the two teens outclassed her, the grace, the poise, the complete and utter lack of care they showed at the fact there was a half-transformed elder vampire sitting in front of them... Sure, she'd always gotten odd vibes from Tom, but she just thought he was a hunter or some kind of monk or something like that not something powerful enough to conceal itself from her.

"Well that's okay then." The brown haired on announced. "I'm Hermione by the way, and that's Daphne, it's a pleasure to meet a friend of Toms." She gave her a conspiratorial smile. "He doesn't have many."

"I'm doomed." Tom muttered under his breath as a wave of his hand righted the table, cleaned up the spilt drinks and erased the puddle trickling down Steve's leg from existence and the girls started chatting amongst themselves. "So," he asked the catatonic Steve and hyperventilating Mike, "are you waiting for Dave or have you changed campaigns since I was last here?"

There was no reply. He sighed and cast a few more charms. "Tom's a wizard?" Carmilla exclaimed. "That explains it!" She seemed somewhat overjoyed as the three girls claimed their half of the table before favouring him with a glare. "You've been holding out on me."

"My brother's a werewolf." Mike admitted in the silence. Everyone looked at him. "What, you don't have anything against werewolves do you?" They shook their heads and everyone's eyes turned to Steve.

"I'm normal." He said in a small squeaky voice. "Just like those two. Why am I not freaking out right now?"

"That would be the calming charm." Hermione explained helpfully. "Oh yeah, I should probably drop my glamour charms." The table blinked as the teenagers turned into a pair of drow. "We should probably do this whole introduction thing again, but actually state who we really are? Anyhow, I'm Hermione Granger and eighteen year old Drow Wizard / Monk / Fighter hybrid..."

An hour later, beer, wine, blood and pineapple juice was being passed round the table as they settled down to business. "Right." Mike stated warily. "Vampire is obviously out," he gave a nod to Carmilla, "as is Mage, Dungeons and Dragons and Werewolf. For Steve's sake we should probably avoid any games that involve us being normal humans..." He trailed off. "That leaves us with, if we have access to Tom's collection?" The arch-lich nodded. "Pendragon or Shadowrun."

"Scrap Pendragon." Carmilla stated, with a snort. "I had to live through that, playing the romanticised version is just weird."

"Right." Mike said, nodding to her. "We have two RPG virgins at the table and need someone to run Shadowrun." He shook his head in exasperation. "Any volunteers?" Carmilla raised her hand.

"I was planning on running something anyway, how many copies of it-" She trailed off as Tom's single copy turned into six.

"They should last at least a month before disappearing." He said with a shrug. "What?" He asked at their stares. "I'm an arch-lich, I can do these things." Hermione just nodded as she dug into the setting and rules of her second favourite thing (after teasing Tom) and the game began as she tried to see just how many points Camilla would let her put into Freerunning.


	4. Hay'leh'p'ter

**AN:** This has been lying around on my hardrive for some time after originially being posted to the Caer Azkaban usegroup. I was hoping it would turn into something interesting but ran out of steam before it could become a self-sustaining plotline. It has brought me some amusement so I thought I would post it here regardless.

Free to a good home.

* * *

><p><strong>Hay'leh P'ter, Girl from The Abyss<strong>

It was a Night amongst nights, the Stars Were Left, Pluto had sneezed and the Gatekeeper was on a bar crawl. Diabolists, warlocks and psykers the world over revelled in their summonings each trying to outdo the others in this night of festivities, semi-sentient insane asylums quaking to their foundations.

But that was not enough to elevate this night to its most envious position, for such convergences happen at least two tuesdays a year. No, what made this night so infamous was that it was the night after Haleigh Potter, the Girl-Who-Lived had learnt a very important word. So, as she lay in her cupboard, battered and beaten at the lowly age of four she looked up to the stars and asked: "Can anyone take me away from here, I'll do anything, be a good little demon. I can cook, I can clean. I'll do anything, just take me away from here?" For a moment nothing happened, and then she remembered something her horrid aunt had said earlier, the magic word. The one that got Dudley whatever he wanted. "_**Please?**_"

An inky black portal opened into the dusty cramped cupboard. She barely had time to register the tentacle as it shot out and whisked her from reality to a formless place of incandescent dimensionality where colours were a myth and corners sulked in circles. The little girl sat in the mind boggling immensity of it all and smiled, her green eyes glittering like emeralds in the grey-ness. "This is so coool."

~ O ~

The villain of the week stood on the staff table of Takoma's Academy for Mystical Girls, halfway through his epic monologue when the interruption occurred. One of the lower years started giggling. "And what do you think is so funny, being trapped in the maw of my greatest monster!" He exclaimed, glorying in the tentacular beast he'd summoned into the heart of the academy to trap his nemesis(es) and 'occupy' the elder students and teachers.

"It tickles." The seven year-old said between breaths.

"Hey, how come your tentacle monster is so fun? Mine just took my staff away and dumped me here." An eleven year-old bit out nervously. "I'm older than you, why can't I get the better tentacle monster?"

"Girls, behave." The headmistress snapped from inside the magical bubble she was using to hold the roving monstrosities, tentacles and other magics the Evil General was employing at bay. "Where the hell are those prefects?"

"sOrRY, I CAn tICKle YOu toO iF yOu LiKE?" The monster asked nervously, it's voice fraying both the sanity and reality of those that heard it. "mOsT PEoplE gEt A LiTTle UPSE- EEEEEK!" All of its eyes tessellated out of its reality as the room froze.

Then the doors blew open.

Four girls in pristine white uniforms stood there, power items at the ready and overly dramatic spell names on their lips. "Sorry we're late." The small cute geek archtype magical girl stated apologetically. "Mezzia here cheated when we played rock paper scissors to decide who would get to distract Ixy whilst we snuck in here to kick some ass."

The girl in question blushed. "Just because you have a boyfriend." She muttered under her breath before their attention snapped back to the room. "Where'd the tentacles go?" She asked in confusion as everyone stood in shock.

"It matters not!" The villain of the hour cried. "For I will-" -THUNK- Usagi Takoma's staff made a nice solid sound as it connected with his head. The assorted demons, creatures and other things in her wake lying in pieces, scuttering away or waving their pre-prepared surrender flags.

"Shut the hell up." She finished before turning to the prefects. "You seven are supposed to be in charge of defending the school from this kind of attack, where was your intelligence network, your detection grid? It's an apocalypse tuesday for fuck's sake. You shouldn't have had to be arguing over who gets to be molested by the tentacle monster. Speaking of which." The headmistress rounded on the portal that was being ever so stealthily closed in the background.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" She yelled into The Abyss. "I can understand this sort of mistake being made by some idiotic half-spawn but you've been doing this for millennia, you don't just cut out on a summoner like that and I damn well hope you haven't left a pair of unsatisfied girls back in the locker rooms! Just what do you have to say for yourself _**Ixy'cath'le'onte**_?" The prefects shared a look, trying to decide if they should be worried that their headmistress knew the abominations full name or if they should ask for pictures.

"Ummm, mOnSTER, terrible, terrible monster." A tentacle came through the portal, complete with a four year-old limpet in the form of a girl. "hElP?" It asked nervously.

"Don't, don't you want me?" The four year old asked, appearing to be on the verge of tears as she dropped onto the ground.

"oF COurse I WAnt yOu." The monster stated nervously, it's tentacle extending to slink around her waist in a hug. "I'M jUsT nOT Sure thE AbYss'ic'Tkan'ti is a GOod PLace-" Whatever it was going to say apparently didn't matter as the four year old squealed and hugged the only tentacle it had left in this reality.

"Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you." She said repeatedly, clinging on for dear life as the monster tried to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling. For that feeling was the path to the light side, and all the cookies in the world couldn't save you then.

The school looked on with a sense of warped horror as a thousand and one eyes looked pleadingly at the headmistress. "Fine." Usagi stated eventually. "But you owe me for this." The monster undulated it's acceptance. "We're going to have a good long talk on responsibility, cultists and female hygiene. Also, you're going to be in charge of her tuition." It mumbled something in reply. "And what would it do to your reputation if I brought up your new..." She trailed off, looking questioningly at the girl. "Whatever the hell she is as an avatar of good?" The creature sighed.

"WedNeSDAy tHeN?" It asked frantically.

"Tonight." The headmistress stated firmly. "After she's had some sleep. The poor child looks like she's been up all night." The school looked down as the girl carried on snuggling into the tentacle and sighed at the cuteness.

Usagi waved her staff as the tentacle retreated slowly back through the closing portal, restoring the school to its former glory as she set about fixing up the aftermath of the attack. Then she needed to have a talk with her security, again, give the summoning ritual to the poor girls currently stuck in the locker rooms and... try to deal with a four year-old english girl who wanted an Outsider as a parent.

It was days like these that made her wonder if she'd actually retired from the Magical Girl business.

~ O ~

**Chapter One**

Time stood still, an inky black disk swirling into a portal just large enough for the apparently eleven year-old girl to step out into reality. She cut a disturbing figure in the mid-afternoon sun appearing as though someone had put a monochrome filter on your eyes just for her with the exception of a pair of burning emerald eyes.

Her schoolgirl uniform from Japan was riddled with moving pictures and maddening scenes of destruction and creation. The torc around her neck leaked shadows that curled and stared as the book chained by pretty silver links to her waist groaned and shuffled, it's black obsidian cover shifting to leather and metal as they transitioned to a more comfortable reality. A slinky black cat made from liquid darkness deformed through the portal as a tentacle curled out above it.

'_Your first proper summoning.' _The thought on the other end was almost tearful as the tentacle patted Hay'leh's head reassuringly. _'I know you'll do fine, just remember what I told you...'_

'_Start a cult, don't get caught by the magic users and have a good time, I know, you've only said it about a million times.' _She sent back with a sigh as the tentacle ruffled her hair. _'Hey!'_

'_Just remember, you can always make your way back here, or ask Usagi to summon you or even those blasted Celestial Girls you keep hanging around. No matter what happens, we'll be proud of you and if you ever need help getting a women to relax...'_ He trailed off.

'_I'll give them your sigil.'_ Hay'leh sent with a roll of her eyes as the portal shut.

Time restarted.

There was a splat.

Hay'leh looked around with a faint smile at the park, the surprised bystander and the complete lack of warlocks, witches, summoners or confluences that could have resulted in her being called to this little dimension. There was something unnervingly familiar about it though, like one of old Zeech's games. The book-ridden bird still hadn't given her her colour back. Not that she minded too much, colour was overrated anyway. Her nose twitched at the smell of burnt feather and she looked down.

There on the ground was an electrified and highly dead owl clutching an envelope that she happily retrieved. _'Haleigh Potter' _was scrawled on the front in brilliant green ink. It was almost the same colour as her eyes. Her face lit up with a smile as the letter opened up before her, an invitation brought by a sacrifice, the attention they'd paid was brilliant.

Now what in the name of honey was a Mugwump? More importantly where was she supposed to get all this stuff from?

Her experience had taught her that in this kind of situation you had two viable options. The first was to wait for the trouble to find you and see what happened, the second was to find it first. Which meant looking for warlocks. Perhaps not the best idea with no one to summon her back, she thought as she tucked the letter safely out of reality, but it was kind of her only option. Or she could try and catch an owl until she found one willing to carry an envelope.

Hmmm, the possibilities. Then the skittish spider of inspiration hit. She wasn't with the Celestials! She could happily use the powers of Evil without getting a lecture about it! The book chained to her waist twitched and nattered with glee as it shuffled to a very, very potent spell she'd used many a time: Find Library.

The strange girl caused a mere two car crashes, four mental breakdowns and one epiphany as she skipped through the suburbs of Little Whining, following the trail of glittering sparks to a plain and smallish building hidden conveniently down a dark alley with highly restricted opening hours. Hay'leh's eyes narrowed as the door recoiled before her. It wasn't even bigger on the inside! Was the entire town illiterate or something?

"Are you sure this is a library?" She asked the person half asleep by the desk. Mrs. Jacobs, of Thirteen Privette Road glanced up, registered the abomination in front of her and hoped that if she didn't pay it any attention it would just go away. "Hellooooo, you're being very rude you know." The librarian tried not to reply as she started muttering under her breath. "Anyhow, I need a summon and bind owl spell and a book describing which owls are better at carrying post. You do have those here right?"

"N-nn-no." The librarian bit out. "You don't exist."

"Why don't I exist?" The girl asked speculatively, looking down at her self. "I'm fairly sure I exist at the moment." She reached forward and picked up a pen. "See, I can interact and everything. Wait a second, Kitty did you do something to her?" She glared down at the inky blackness by her feet. The cat looked back. "Yes, I know you have standards, but that wouldn't stop you from pranking-" Hay'leh sighed as the cat meowed it's innocence.

It looked like she was going to be doing this the hard way. The town really should be thanking her for this anyway, what she was about to do would make the entire place much more interesting. The pen she was concentrating on sharpened, twisted and deformed into a sinister looking dagger as she looked disappointedly at her sacrifice. "You're not going to scream are you?"

The woman's mouth hung open at the irrationality of what she'd just seen as the door opened. "Found it!" A man in red robes said happily. "Do you know how much trouble you've caused us young lady? All that chaos, it's going to take an hour or two to set all the memories straight and my that is an interesting curse you're under. Don't think I've ever seen a colourless person before."

Hay'leh tipped her head to the side and raised an eyebrow as the somewhat tubby man in red robes flicked a stick which caused a red light to knock her sacrifice unconscious. "Where can I get one of them?" She asked the man who wasn't suffering sanity loss from her presence. "Oh, and what are you, those robes really don't suit you. Have you tried green?"

The man blinked. "I haven't no, do you really think they'd work?" The colourless girl nodded enthusiastically. "Right, well, where are your parents young miss, surely they should know better than to let you walk among the muggles cursed like that. Oh my, those are some very nice embroideries on your jacket." The man revised up his estimate of the girls worth inside his head. "I'm Auror Jenkins, from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"Thank you. Oh, I don't have any parents and I've only just got here." Hay'leh explained. "I don't suppose you know where I could get a summon bind owl spell do you? Or an owl that can carry post? I got given this letter you see but nothing to return it with." She fished it out of thin air and showed it to him.

His eyes skipped over the familiar Hogwarts spiel settling on the girls family name. _Potter. _He looked down. There wasn't a scar but the most brilliant emerald eyes were staring back at him. "Is your name Hayleigh perchance?" He asked gingerly. She rolled her eyes.

"It's Hay-leh. Not lee. Like Ry'leh. It has an apostrophe and everything." She explained to the adult. They were generally slow like that. It's not as if her name was that hard or anything.

"You're supposed to be dead!" The auror exclaimed loudly.

"That happens sometimes." She explained firmly. "I get better just like almost everyone else. Now, are you going to help me find an owl or not?"

"I think..." The Auror said faintly. "I think we need to go see my boss. If you could just hold my hand..."

- CRACK -

A slack jawed, catatonic auror appeared in the middle of the ministry atrium, a damp patch slowly spreading down his leg as drool spilled from the corner of his mouth. "That was the worst fifth dimensional translation I have ever suffered through." The young girl he'd brought with him complained loudly. "You'd think that you were purely three dimensional beings or something idiotic like that, you'd better not be expecting me to apologise for correcting your trajectory." There was silence for a moment as she stood there pouting.

Thirty seconds later she risked a glance to the side as a wod of drool splatted on the floor.

"Hello, Auror Jenkins?" She turned to the crowd with a sigh. "I think I broke him." She pouted. "Now, can anyone here help me find an owl that will carry post?"

The was an astounded silence. The girl started tapping her foot.

"I... I saw..." The red-robed man said eventually. "Forever..." His voice barely contained the sense of horrified awe that echoed with his magic.

"No you didn't." Hay'leh informed him sharply. "You just saw a tiny bit of Everything and the smallest slither of a Dream. Whoever taught you to translate should be fired. Now you said we needed to talk to your boss..." She trailed off as she spotted a map. "Aha! This way!" She cried, pulling the slightly gibbering man along behind her.

"It's a Tuesday, isn't it?" One of the bystanders asked another before sighing. "They really should put some better wards around the Department of Mysteries, you'd think they'd have learned by now."

"Quite." Another bystander replied as the normal flow of things resumed.

~ O ~

Amelia Bones looked up sharply as her office door opened. "I said-" The girl popping her head through the door was a good fifteen years younger than she'd been expecting, in the most mind-numbing of dresses. Closing her eyes for a moment, she called upon years of strict mental discipline to simply not notice those enticing patterns as the young girl dragged one of hers in behind her. "How did you get in here?"

"Errr, are you his boss lady?" She asked, nervously fidgeting with her hands behind her back. Amelia nodded, slowly. "Okay, well, err, I kinda got this letter which said it should be returned via owl, so I went looking for a library for a book on how to get owls to carry post and this guy found me and said he could help. But I broke him. Can you fix him, pleeaaase?" She pleaded, utilising her greatest and most terrible power: Tame Evil.

Madam Bones found herself staring into those adorable emerald eyes, her heart rushing with power as every dark thought, every whispered desire twisted and soared to the forefront of her existence, their voices crying out in unison: _'awwww, so cute'. _She swallowed. "That. Will not work. On me." The little abomination blinked and the thrall ended as Amelia glared.

"Dammit." Hay'leh muttered as she shrunk in on herself, looking like a repentant schoolgirl. "Why couldn't you be corrupt like the rest?" Amelia sighed, her eyes flickering to Auror Jenkins who was beginning to smell. She rubbed her temples. The girl shifted from foot to foot.

"Take a seat." Amelia said eventually. "I take it you're the anomaly our Chief Warlock has been trying to find all afternoon?"

"Maybe." Hay'leh said in a small voice as she perched herself on one of the wooden chairs. "You're not going to send me back are you? They went through a lot of trouble with the invitation and I haven't even corrupted anyone yet. Ixy would be so disappointed and..."

"Enough." Amelia said firmly. "No, I'm not going to send you back, I just wanted to confirm a few things." She pulled her wand and rolled her eyes as the girl twitched. "I'm not going to cast at you, I'm going to fix Jenkins over there so he doesn't get even more traumatised."

"Oh, okay." The girl said happily. "How does magic work here, does it make you forget it when you cast it? Does it have charges? Does it shorten your lifespan? Is it powered by good, evil, small furry creatures?" She paused to draw breath.

"It works by saying words whilst waving a wand." Amelia interjected. The girl blinked. "The spell I'm about to use suppresses traumatic memories until the person is capable of dealing with them." She explained. "It's one you will undoubtedly need to learn if you're planning on staying in this here for long." Her wand flicked, made a pattern and incanted. "_Obliviate._"

Auror Jenkins blinked, his eyes snapped into focus. "That's... depressingly simple." Hay'leh stated with a pout. "I was hoping they'd be like, charged wands with one for each spell. Then I could have a wand bandoleer, and that would be so cool. It'd be like the Wild West, but with magic..." Her face had a look of wonder and amusement that had caused greater beings than those in the room to stop and pause.

"Right. Well, Jenkins." He snapped to attention. "Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention, you're dismissed for the day to recover from your trauma."

"Trauma?" The man asked before the rest of him reported in. "Oh, yes, I see." His cheeks flushed red. "I'll just be going then."

"Tell whoever's on the desk to get Hestia for me would you?" Amelia shouted after his hurriedly retreating rear. "Now then." Her attention returned to the daydreaming Apprentice Young Thing. "Why don't you show me this invitation of yours."

Hay'leh dutifully handed over the letter as the kitten in Amelia's lap meowed. She froze, looked down, then immediately placed her eyes on the ceiling. Some days it just wasn't worth being the Head of the DMLE. "Oh, and my names not Hay'lee Pot'ter it's _**Hay'leh'P'ter**_." The Name resonated through the old witches mind.

She sighed and opened the Hogwarts letter. "I'll never be able to forget that will I?" She asked rhetorically.

"Well, it's not much use as a name if you can't remember it, is it?" She asked rhetorically. "It'd be really hard to summon anyone if you couldn't pronounce their name _just_ right to fish them up out of the infinities." The book on her waist sniggered slightly. "Oh yeah, she's got a point. What's a Mugwump?"

Amelia Bones put the letter slowly onto the desk and considered her options. The thing that was both a cat and not purred. She hated Tuesdays.

"Before we begin, Miss P'ter, I feel that I should inform you of something." She removed her glasses, relegating the world to a pleasant blur void of any incriminating details. "I am not a very powerful witch. In fact I was a squib for the longest time, my magical abilities are some of the weakest ever recorded and I have mastered a mere two spells. I am not a warlock, I am not some form of mage or hero. What I lack in power, I more than make up for in common sense, logic and sanity." She informed the girl sharply.

"You're an Investigator." She breathed, eyes growing comically wide. "Can I have your autograph? Who have you banished? Which plots have you foiled? Zeee is going to be soooo jealous."

Kids. Amelia reached for her emergency bottle of whisky, broke the seal, took a swig and carried on. "I am merely warning you that should you hurt my niece in any way I will come after you, not with magic, not with wands or spells but with Logic." Hay'leh gulped. "This." She held up the letter, offering it back to the girl. "Is quite possibly the most bizarre summoning I have ever heard of and perfectly legal as it was done by a registered state Warlock."

The girl opened the letter and looked down at the list of title held by one Albus Dumbledore. "So that's what that bit meant." She muttered.

"Quite." Amelia stated dryly, taking another swig. "He used to be the Chief Warlock before there was an incident involving your namesake. Haleigh Potter went missing at the age of four, and is presumed dead. The rest of the world only found out about it three years later when he finally got around to checking on the house." She sighed, "Why he's still headmaster is frankly beyond me, but no one ever let it be said that wizards were sane."

"Well, kidnapping, imprisonment and child abuse really has nothing to do with school until the childs of age to go to one." Hay'leh pointed out.

"Yes, well." Amelia commented dryly. "I'm sure you'll fit right in." She muttered under her breath. "Regardless, Haleigh Potter was rumoured to be a great many things before her death was discovered and some people still vainly cling to those fabrications. Do not be surprised if people mistake you for some esoteric sorceress living cold and alone in a magical tower or a radiant princess imprisoned by an evil dragon or some other such nonsense. Now, you can do your shopping in the alleys outside of the Ministry, Gringott's is the bank and Ollivander's is probably the best place for you to find a wand. Owls can be found at the owl emporium." She cut off the girls question. "And yes, they're all trained to carry letters."

Hay'leh blinked, look down at the letter, then back up at her. Taking another gulp Amelia felt those glorious eyes tug at her heartstrings again. "Fine, any questions?"

"What's a Mugwump?" Hay'leh asked innocently.

"Frankly, I have no idea." Madame Bones stated. "I suggest you start your shopping at Ollivanders, or perhaps Gringotts. I have no idea what your kind do for money." Hay'leh shrugged.

"We have cultists for that." She stated before skipping out the room, Kitty slinking through people's shadows behind her.

"Try not to traumatise people too... Oh why am I bothering again?" She said to an empty office, taking a good hard look at the percentage on the bottle.

~ O ~

He stared at her. She stared at him, staring at her. He stared at her, staring at him, staring at her. She stared at- "We appear to be at an impasse." Ollivander cut her off half stare.

"That was rather rude." Hay'leh harrumphed, crossing her arms over her chest and stomping her foot.

"Yes, but one of us had to do it, or we'd be here all day. My great-great-great-great grandniece tried it on me the last time we met." He smiled, heading back towards his desk. The wands on the shelves twitching uneasily as he picked the kitten up by the back of its neck and put it firmly where he could see it.

"She sounds interesting." The girl said happily. "And you found Kitty, no one ever finds Kitty." She stated, scooping the glaring thing into her arms, a few tentacles seeped out and waved threateningly in his direction. "Bad Kitty." She said firmly, before tickling it mercilessly.

"Interesting." Ollivander said wearily as the thing waved a white flag formed of one of its appendages. "Yes, I do believe that was her excuse too. Now then, why don't we start with..." He fet a chill go down his spine as the ideal wood popped into his head. "Dreamwood... Oh my. And..." He blinked as ice flashed inside his eyelids. Sometimes being a seer was not a pleasant thing to be. Another vision like that and he could almost be driven to drink. "Let's just start with an oak and dragon heartstring shall we?" He asked with mock cheer.

An hour and a half later, Ollivander daubed furiously as his forehead with his third conjured hanky. His shop had been separated into three distinct fractals. One fractal for the wands that had started moving, one fractal for the gaping holes in existence her misfires appeared to cause and one fractal for his remaining sense and livelihood. "Point at that hole, over there if you would." He said carefully angling the girls hand. "A piece of driftwood and something slimy. I thought it was a bit of dragon heart at the time."

The rough and poorly cut wand fell into her hand like it was meant there, it's callous cleaves and roughened edges etching and curling into esoteric patterns and incredible shifting designs. "oh" Hay'leh said in a small voice. "oH mY, tHaT iS RAtheR-" She swallowed as Ollivander took a step back in horror, an inky black bit of her shadow catching him before he fell through into The Abyss. "Sorry." She said a little sheepishly as the wand tessellated out of reality. "How much do I owe you?"

"Seven galleons." He muttered anxiously. "But technically I'm not allowed to sell a wand to non-humans."

"So how do you sell them to wizards?" She asked whilst looking around curiously. "Oh yeah. I don't have any cultists, and Usagi's in a completely different reality." She frowned. "Hmmm, this money thing, I don't suppose you'd be willing to trade it for a Dark Pact would you?" She asked sweetly.

"You make a very good point." The old man said with a faint smile. "They do keep insisting that they're a different species to the poor muggles so maybe, yes, just maybe I can't... I'll tell you what, I'll trade the wand for two hairs from your head."

Hay'leh cocked her head to the side and thought for a moment. "So six hairs for the wand and fourteen galleons. That should be enough to buy the rest of my stuff right?"

"That's..." Ollivander cut back his gut reaction, passing his eyes over the rest of the store before sighing. "Fine, of course." He went behind the desk to fetch the coins. "I'm sure you're eager to finish the rest of your shopping." He handed her the gold and got six inky black strands in payment. He dreaded to think what kind of wands they would produce, but at four hundred years of age he'd long stopped caring about the consequences.

Hay'leh skipped out of the shop, missed it's sign being flipped to closed before squeeing and darting like a missile towards the bookshop. Existence was good.

~ O ~

Hestia Jones strode through the Ministry of Magic like a tank assaulting trenches. The hushed whispers, the pointed glances, the nervous aides all washing off her like machinegun fire off six inches of composite armour. She was the Chief Warlock, dammit, she was the goddamn law and it really didn't matter if everyone else believes a female should never have been given the job. Susceptibility to sex demons, really? Had they seen the estimated number of Succubi?

There was one obstacle between her, and her latest problem, it was a door. It did not flee before her, it did quake to it's hinges, it simply slammed. Open. As she walked straight into a bottle. "That'sh yours. You'll need it." A slightly sloshed Madam Bones stated firmly as Hestia plucked it from her wavering hands. "Means you don't remember as much in the morning, keeps you sane." A breath tainted by alcohol was expelled firmly into her face.

"You called me here to get drunk?" Hestia asked in disgust. "There's an Outsider out there, right now, doing Merlin knows what and you want me to get drunk?"

"It's legal." Amelia said with a shrug, grasping her own bottle by the neck. "Got the paperwork here an' everything. Regishtered summoning it ish, by Dumbeldore himshelf." Hestia grasped the documents like a lifeline, rapidly trawling through them. She gulped as she saw the sigil representing the creature's name. "Shent the Obliviators out already, Diagonally's probably fine."

"I... I don't recognise this..." Hestia gulped. The cap made its way off the bottle as she grabbed a quick swig. "Who was stupid enough to summon an unknown Outsider?" Her heart slowly lowered as she read the rest of the document. "Oh well, Dumbledore's the most powerful wizard alive-"

"Exactly." Amelia cut her off.

"So he must know what he's doing." Hestia finished with a glare. Amelia just looked at her as though she'd grown an extra head.

~ O ~

**Wikinomicron Entry: Ixy'cath'le'onte**

_Genus: Tentacle Monster (Grand)_

_Given Names: Ixy, The Great Tentacle Beast, Widow's Comforter, The Pleasurer, Star Queen's Sex Toy (Rumoured)_

Unique among tentacle monsters, Ixy derives great and enormous power from bringing others to orgasm whilst losing power from inflicting pain and suffering as part of karmic curse put upon it in the depths of non-time. It has a fascination with human women and is regarded as completely perverted, if mostly harmless by its contemporaries. It is notable as one of the few Tentacle Monsters summoned by both Good and Neutral warlocks in the name of information gathering or relaxation and is exceptionally well connected with the other Outsiders.

As hard as it may be, the easiest way to deny it's influence is to say no. (Note: Saying no as a male is likely to result in immediate death whilst saying yes will result in major physical changes) The current activities of its cults are unknown, other than the obvious.

~ O ~

**Chapter Two**

"Is it okay if I sit here, all the other compartments were empty?" The bushy haired girl asked nervously from the door. "Apparently no one else turned up an hour early." She muttered under her breath as the cat looked up from its book and waved at her. "Is he supposed to be doing that?" She asked nervously.

"Kitty," the monochrome girl whined, "did you forget you were a cat again?" it meowed pitifully, knocked the book to the floor and tried to look innocent. "Hmph, well, don't make me remind you again. The nice lady told us to blend in." She muttered in a stage whisper. "Sorry I didn't see you, I'm Hay'leh, have a seat."

"Hermione." She said, shaking her head slightly as she shifted to sit down on the other side of the compartment. "So why are you here so early?"

"Well, it's a long story..." The girls said gleefully, "Full of books, travails and time-travel."

"Really?" Hermione asked, leaning forward.

"Nope." Hay'leh shrugged. "I got thrown out of Knockturn for asking too many questions and Diagon was really boring as everyone kept forgetting me, so I figured I'd come see if anyone was on the train." She collapsed in on herself. "It's been just me for the last few hours."

"Oh, well, is that a copy of Hogwarts a History?" Hermione asked hopefully.

Hay'leh nodded happily. "Yep, I'm currently going through it picking out any mention of secret passages, caverns and long abandoned places for a good evil lair, want to help?" Hermione blinked. Her parents had given her advice on this sort of thing as part of her homeschooling. She'd thought they'd been joking, but other people caring about that sort of thing did explain all the books...

"Sure, what kind of lair are you looking for?" She agreed, dragging her trunk in and settling down on the opposite side of the cat and the three entities with eyes in the carriage went back to reading.

~ O ~

"Hmm," Hermione muttered under her breath. "This looks like it'll be the best option, Third floor corridor with a portal to an underground area in the shape of a trapdoor." She carefully closed the book. "It has lighting, maintenance and almost no one knows about it since it hasn't been used in five centuries."

/ Neville comes by, it oblivious, leaves.

/Draco and Ron also appear. The 'Oh My God, you're a Magical Princess' moment occurs. Ron asks oodles of questions, Draco fails at being impressive and they both take themselves outside trying to impress her with a mock magical battle that turns into fisticuffs.

/Then they make their way to the castle, with Hay'leh falling into depression at teh Giant Squid refusing to talk to her.

~ O ~

The ceiling was ceiling-like and pretending to be a sky, which was stupid. Ceilings were there to be ceilings, not skies, and what happened when it wanted to pretend to rain? It kind of defeats the whole point of its existence didn't it? Hay'leh's eyes narrowed as she glared up at it. "Hayleigh Potter?" Someone called in the background. "Hayleigh Potter." Hey'leh blinked, rolled her eyes and stared back up at the stage.

"It's Hay'leh." She stated for the entire gaping hall to deal with. "Hay'leh'p'ter." She stated again for good measure as she made her way to the front, taking in the frozen faces of the staff and the students before blinking.

McGonagall came back to herself as a finger poked her in the side, the girl responsible looking up at her inhumanly large emerald eyes. "What exactly are you doing, Miss Potter?" She asked after a moment or two of absurdity. Hermione groaned from the Gryffindor table.

"Making sure that no one stopped time when I wasn't paying attention." She replied sweetly, "It happens sometimes." She finished with a shrug before turning to the sorting hat. "Hello, Mr. Hat."

"Hello there." It said back. "If you could just put me on, we can get this and done with and-" It cut off as it's brim tapped against her head. "Oh." It said after a moment, sliding to the side. "Oh dear." For the first time in recorded history the sorting hat slipped off someone's head and rolled across the floor, coming to a stop next to the Ravenclaw table.

There was silence.

"Well, as unusual as that was, I think I'll be quite delighted to have young Miss Potter in my House." Flitwick said cheerfully, jumping up onto his stool.

"No!" The hat cried. "Never! I mean, err..." Hay'leh cocked her haid to the side as the hat tried various flexes to right itself. "My this bit of floor's a little sticky, where was I, oh yes. Thinking of the school..." The hat ruminated to itself, eyes closed. "The thought of you in Gryffindor gives me nightmares, you'd probably eat the entirety of Slytherin and as for Ravenclaw." The hat shuddered. "I suppose it had best be **Hufflepuff** for you." It cried out loudly before whimpering. "If I had fingers, I'd crossing them right now..."

It's semi-prophetic warning was completely drowned out by the cries of triumph, disbelief and confusion that echoed round the room as the Girl-Who-Lived sat down with the other first years. "Oh my god, you're so cool!" A mousy, blond haired girl squealed happily as the hat argued with McGonagall over the necessity of an obliviation. "Where you really taken by dragons and forced to live high up in a tower for three years?"

* * *

><p><strong>Collected Scenes  Ideas**

"Okay, my names Tonks I'm in sixth year and I'll be your prefect for the next two years." The young women informed them firmly. "So if you have any problems, or need any help feel free to come to me about it. I can't promise I'll help but I'll at least listen okay?" She knocked her head to the side. "My first bit of advice is to remember this when one of you gets nominated for prefect in six years time so you can escape whilst the goings good. Now, before we introduce ourselves does anyone have any pressing questions?"

Hay'leh bounced forward first. "Ermm, is it okay if I help out fighting the monster of the week?" She asked happily. "I mean I know it's the prefect's job but some of them make such cute pets."

Tonks blinked. "We... don't have monsters of the week here." Hay'leh opened her mouth. "Or monster's of the month or villains of the year." She stated firmly.

"Not even an end of term apocalypse?" The colourless girl asked hopefully.

"No." Tonks stated firmly. "Hogwarts is a very safe and boring place. Unless you count in the Weasley twins, the forbidden forest and whatever's in the third floor corridor. Actually I take it back, Hogwarts really isn't safe but as long as you five don't do anything stupid." She glared at them. "It's not my problem. Now are there any other questions?"

"Hay'leh'p'ter from a place outside of existance most commonly referred to as The Abyss. I like giant cudly monsters, having fun with friends and reading books. I dislike... uhh, being vanquished and paladins. Seriously paladins are really creepy." She shuddered. "They have this really creepy aura and- what?" She asked as the crowd stared at her.

"Everything is so flat here." "Flat, you know, lacking dimensionality." (she pokes hermione trying to find her fourth dimension, pouting when she finds out its so small and accuses the girl of not eating enough. From that day forth her plate is shoveled high with strange psychoactive substances)

"Some people live outside of time, never really understood the appeal myself. I mean, if you're outside of time, you don't exactly have the time to do anything do you?" She asked rhetorically as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Time travel is pretty easy, you just have to be careful with causality. Because if you do something to undermine your own passage in the timestream you end up with a migraine and two sets of memories." Her eyes crossed. "Or possibly two bodies, or an existence failure or something really really painfully awkward to express in this language if you do it wrong." She shrugged.

"Can you walk on the ceiling?"

"Why would I walk on the ceiling? I mean, if the ceiling was supposed to be walked on, it would be a floor, wouldn't it? There's no reason a corridor can't have more than one floor. The best corridors are the ones that have four floors, one for the people going one way, one for the people going the other, one for the people chatting, and one for the trash." She frowned. "Actually, you probably need a fifth one too, for the people that don't know where they're going."

Hay'leh looked askew at Hermione, "Insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting to get the same result."

* * *

><p><strong>The Halloween Arc (aka Stealing Hermione)<strong>

Hermione's eyes went wide as the troll forced its way into the bathroom, plaster and masonry flowing of it's muscles and chest as its club caught in the door. She was gonna die, she was gonna die, she was gonna- The troll roared, sending spittle and the most unholy of bad breath in her direction. She, to her eternal shame, meeped in response.

"I thought you were supposed to be in the dungeons?" A voice she recognised asked. The troll turned round and snarled.

"No!" Hermione cried. "Run, or it'll eat you too!" She cried to the only person who'd treated her nicely since coming here.

Hay'leh blinked as the trolls attention snapped back to the girl. Oh yeah, there wasn't any magical girls around to save random passer-bys from the monster of the month here, she kept forgetting that. Hmm. Her spellbook suggested a spell, a very, very nasty spell. It was a- "Wait, that wouldn't work. You can't use Evil to do an act of Good." She stated with a roll of her eyes as Hermione barely avoided a swing of the club. "Wait a second. Hermione, will you be my cultist? I've been meaning to ask you since the train, but it never really seemed to be the right time so I'm sorry if it seems a little forced?"

"I'll do anything, I just don't want to die!" The bushy haired girl screamed as she dived to the side. Hay'leh grinned and spoke a word. It wasn't a Good act to save your followers.

Hermione breathed heavily as her arms trembled under the effort of pushing herself up onto her feat. Her heartbeat thudded in her ears as the troll screamed in agony. "Ermm, I've never had a cultist before so, err, I'm not really sure what you need to do or anything. Oh yeah, there is one thing you can do though." Hay'leh cried gleefully, grabbing a bit of broken glass from the remains of a mirror.

The self-proclaimed bookworm watched as her saviour cut a gash in her hand and running her blackish-blue blood over it before stabbing her hand with the same peice of glass. It twisted, cracked and refracted as their cuts burnt shut, leaving behind a dagger very similar to one her parents used to kill the turkey's on christmas. It even seemed to eat the light like theirs did. "What am I supposed to do with this?" She asked absently.

"Sacrifice things of course." The Outsider explained as if it were the most obvious things in the world, grabbing her free hand. "Come on I'll show you how, we don't want to let the troll go to waste and I could do with a snack after incapacitating it."

~ O ~

Hermione let herself be dragged along in a daze as Hay'leh skipped through the halls of the school, the cacophony of her humming washing over her brain. She'd just- she'd just- Killed a troll! It was terrifying, and thrilling and... and totally against the rules. Right?

"Hay'leh Potter!" Pomona bit out as the pair of them emerged through the portrait hole. Hermione blinked. Surely it should have taken longer to get here? "What have you got to say for yourself, running off like that?"

"Well..." Hay'leh said softly as her mind worked frantically. "I noticed that the Gryffindor's didn't want Hermione anymore 'cause they can't see that she's really, really awesome and stuff so I figured I'd use the distraction to steal her for Hufflepuff?" Her eyes widened as she tried to look as cute as possible. "Tonks can cast a colour changing charm and I can make another bed..." She trailed off.

Pomona closed her eyes, pinched her nose and sighed. "I'm afraid that McGonagall reported her missing to me earlier, so I'll have to take her back to Gryffindor." She tried to explain as simply as possible as she was never quite sure how her most militant first year would react. "You can't just steal other students like that, loyalty to your friends is all well and good just be careful how you express it." She explained with a smile. "I'm sure Hermione has her own friends in Gryffindor that miss her and it would be unfair to keep her all to yourself."

Hay'leh's eyes narrowed as her head of House escorted her first cultist away from her. So what if she had to return her as she'd been reported missing? "Hannah, Susan." She stated swiftly. "Grab Tonks, we have a new friend to acquire." The book at her waist chittered as her two friends looked at each other and nodded and the most devilish grin lit the Outsiders face.

Tonks frowned, her hair shifting colours as she tried desperately to remember the reaction table for Alkanite powder, she knew it was very different from the constituents but how? She tensed as a pair of hands grabbed her arms. Oh god, it was the firsties again, would they ever stop finding her and babbling at her so very, very fast. Not even the best hiding places were safe from them! "Come on." Susan said happily after the deep breath after her explanation. "Hay'leh's waiting and it's going to be the best adventure ever except she's not going to take us with her this time, but she said that we could go and invade Ravenclaw later if we wanted to." Tonks was fairly sure she'd disagree with that statement as she was pulled away and back to the common room, but it wouldnd't do to insult her future boss's neice. Not since she'd asked her to keep an eye on Susan and Hay'leh anyway.

~ O ~

Hermione was dumped unceremoniously in the Gryffindor common room, people shuffling away as they noticed the dagger she was clutching and the dark green blood staining the corner of her robes. Ron glared at her from across the room. "But I wanted to stay in Hufflepuff." She said softly to herself, before retreating to her room.

Perhaps she shouldn't have come here. No one, well, no one other than Hay'leh had ever really wanted to get to know her and now, well, she apparantly wasn't allowed to be a Hufflepuff or with her friends either. It was times like this that she wished her parents had allowed her to go to church or share the same delusions as the other children. Oh how they'd hated her for her insistance that Santa Clause wasn't real and how God wasn't either...

Wait a second. Hermione blinked. Hadn't she sworn herself as a cultist to Hay'leh? Well it was worth a shot. She looked to the heavens and started babbling. "I'm not very good at this prayer thing but I'm really, really lonely right now and-"

_'What's the password for your dorms?' _Hay'leh's voice slithered into her head and her face split into the largest smile she'd had all day.

"Caput Draconis." She answered. "Why?"

_'Pack your stuff.' _Her goddess answered happily. _'We're stealing you again.' _And so she quickly went about doing just that, making sure that she had a fresh change of clothes and that the sacrificial dagger had been cleaned of all ichor and then, well, pacing nervously as she waited.

"Hey." Ron's yell echoed up the stairs. "You can't come in here, this is the Gryffindor common room you-" He cut off with a grunt of rage as footsteps echoed up the staircase.

"Hay'leh?" Hermione asked breathlessly as the colourless girl with brilliant green eyes enveloped her in a hug.

"Yoink!" The Outsider said gleefully as reality hiccuped and they suddenly weren't there anymore. Kitty looked at the trunk, looked at where his mistress had been and sighed, picking it up with a few tentacles and leaving more than a few Gryffindor's questioning their sanity as he left. After all, they both had and hadn't seen his mistress enter the room, which made no sense at all, and cats didn't have tentacles.

~ O ~

"Well, what I am here for?" Tonks asked as they dragged her up to the firsties bedrooms. "And whose is that?" She asked, pointing to the strange edifice of a bed sculpted from bizzare black shapes that seemed to shift slightly as she looked at them. "I'm fairly sure it's not supposed to be doing that."

"Oh well, the House Elves wouldn't give us another bed so Hay'leh transfigured one." Hannah said as though it was the most logical thing in the world.

"Yeah, her transfigurations always end up like that." Susan explained. "I still remember when she turned that matchstick into a, what did she call it? A Mito'con'dum'i-thingy that then tried to eat the desk. At least, I think that was a mouth."

"Riiiight." Tonks drawled nervously. "That still doesn't explain what I'm here for." She blinked as another set of memories snapped into place over her own as two people that had both been there and not been there all along appeared and not appeared in front of her. She blinked and rubbed her temples. "What the hell did you just do?" She asked irritably.

Hay'leh shrugged. "Rewrote localised causality, apparently you can't actually translate in Hogwarts it's kinda flat like a... laminated piece of paper, there's this irritating plastic thingy stopping you from escaping into the higher dimensions. So I just told the past we left before we came in and then walked up here, which means that we never left Gryffindor but that doesn't matter. I think?"

"Oh so that's what that... whatever it was was doing." Hermione said with sudden understanding as she processed her friend/deity's comment. "Along with the... err... English really isn't good for this sort of thing is it?"

"Nope." Hay'leh supplied sadly. "Anyhow, since you know, we're supposed to go to you with problems and stuff and I'm fairly sure you won't report Hermione as missing and therefore the teachers won't steal her back this time, could you maybe do the colour changing thing and make Hermione's uniforms Hufflepuff?" She asked the prefect sweetly and without taking a breath.

Tonks opened her mouth, shut it again. Closed her eyes, counted to ten, opened then again and stared into those wide innocent and terrifyingly cute eyes. "Fine." She stated eventually, looking over to Hannah. "You're about the same size right? _Gemino, Gemino Gemino_." A pile of uniforms identical to the one Hannah was wearing materilised next to her. "They'll last a little over a week, so make sure you bug me every saturday to make you a new set." She sighed. "Now, I'm off to do my assignments. Kindly don't bug me again today unless it's the apocalypse or something."

"Sure. Oh no, wait. I'm sorry for taking out the monster of the month, since I know it's the prefects job and they normally get annoyed if I eat it before they get there, but it was about to smush Hermione and I didn't know if she'd get better from that or not." Hay'leh said happily as the girls got down to the business of getting to know each other, having fun and listening to the Outsider's stories of the worlds beyond.


	5. Second Son, Eleventh Daughter

_AN: A Harry Potter / Warhammer40k crossover based on an interpretation of Triwizard tournament and some extremely bad 40k fluff._

* * *

><p>The Fleeting Presence was a Claymore class corvette, at under one and a half kilometers long and a little over three hundred meters abreast it was one of the smallest ships to have ever been produced for the Imperial Navy. It was fast, so fast that rumours of peculiar heresies and blasphemous runes echoed around the decks. Unfortunately for it's new owner, they where quite correct in that assumption. It had taken her and her acolytes nearly a year to cleanse the crew population of their heresy.<p>

It was time ill-wasted.

For the captain of this vessel had a gift. Holy Terra Reversed. The Primarch. The Navigator Reversed. Three cards inlaid with blessed silver gazed up at her from the wooden table of her stateroom. The three hundred year old blonde women frowned as her eyes misted over and she flipped a forth card from the minor deck of the Emperor's Tarot. Death. Another card that could not have been drawn, another echo of the future. The Three of Blades, a minor card. She flipped again.

_A broken castle. A Hairy Ogryn._

The card landed face up, it's eight pointed star burning into her mind as it combusted with psychic backlash and she screamed. Thuds echoed down the corridor outside as blinked, holy prayer and mantra's echoing through her mind. The Emperor Protects, she forced herself to believe as each of her bloodshot eyes opened to a bolter barrel.

_A cup, inlaid with skulls._

"Lord Inquisitor Merciel, Ordo Hereticus. you are under suspicion of consorting with demons, how do you plead?" Her eyes struggled to focus on the Grey Knight standing in front of her, choosing to ignore the storm bolter in favour of memorising the visions she'd been plagued with. There would be a Tribunal, of course, but it would take months, possibly years.

She didn't have that long.

_Four psykers were there should be three. _

Shaking slightly in the presence of the symbols etched across the Space Marine's armour she grabbed at the chair behind her, hauling herself up onto its hard wooden surface. "I don't have time for this. Which of my enemies brought this accusation?"

_A blonde girl with the musk of Slanesh._

A clanking figure walked into the room, two cybernetic eyes locking on to her form as his lips contorted into a grimace. "I am your enemy now Merciel? I was surprised as anyone when I got your name from that greater demon, with all the times we've worked together, all the times your foresight has proved invaluable..." He shook his head. "I believe you could be innocent, but the others?"

_A gruff boy from the mountains with schemes of Tzeench._

"You heard it from a demon?" She asked, trying desperately to ignore the visions as she signalled for her own worried acolytes to stand down. Five psykers and a pair of stormtroopers where little more than a distraction to a Grey Knight. "That's impossible, I've never..."

_A calm, friendly child with the inevitability of Nurgle._

"Not knowingly." He stated. "No one of your calibre would ever be willingly corrupted, but they have their ways. You should that better than most." There was a commotion at the door and she blinked.

_Green Eyes with the burning gaze of the Emperor._

There were three navigators gesticulating wildly. Frost lined the ceiling. "How do you expect to get anywhere without the aid of the Navis Nobilite? Our orders come from the Paternova himself-

_A competition, with only one outcome:_

The visions crawled across her mind as she bit hard on her tongue. Coordinates, star charts. Encrypted things carved themselves before her nails. Demons, monsters, creatures of the night. Spells and sorcery. Heresy most foul. What had she seen? What had she seen?

_Blood for the Blood God._

A demon wearing the flesh of a girl. Blonde, crooked blue eyes. A carrot for an earring. Butterbeer caps for a necklace. Two left feet. What was butter beer? She had... four eyes. A different illusion of reality fluttered across each. A moon danced in the corner.

The demon saw her, cradling a two inch plastic miniature of herself in it's hands.

_You have three days._

They wouldn't make it in time. "We have three days." Her voice was croaking and unwieldy as the squabbling ceased instantly. "Till the..." Her hand reached out, slipped a card of the top the deck and fell backwards, blood pouring from her eyes.

The card had landed face down below the Primarch card. Justicar Saul has caught the barest glimpse of it as it fell, an ornate II constructed of silver pillars and inscribed with ancient runes, identical to one of the edifices on Titan. He weighed the risks, tasted the warp-taint in the air and grimaced. "We leave immediately." He stated.

No one argued.

~ O ~

A tank of spiders was slammed down hard on the desk. Moody's eye flickered back and forth of its own volition, seeming to gaze into the souls of the students. If only they knew, Barty thought with a smirk, if only they knew. "Who can tell me the difference between light and dark magic?" He asked in his bodies rasping tongue. Hermione's hand shot upward and he rolled his eyes. "Not the difference your textbook says, or the Ministry." He bit out. "Who can give me the real definition of Dark magic?"

His eyes scanned the crowd of cowed fourth year students and smirked. "No one." He snorted. "It makes me wonder if you've been taught at all. The difference between the two types of magic is simple. Light magic relies solely on your personal control and power. Dark magic doesn't."

He paced back and forth at the head of the room. "I can see right now that none of you believe me, so perhaps an example is in order- _Crucio!_" One of the spiders in the cage danced as the burning mix of pleasure and agony arced like lightning through it's fragile body.

The class watched as it died twitching, a slender coil of smoke reaching towards the ceiling. "That was the first of the three unforgivables, the torture curse." One of the children, Neville, was on the edge of breaking his knuckles white as he clutched to the table. "No one knows how it works, no one has to. All we need to know is that it does and that there is not a force in existence capable of stopping it once it's been cast. Some say it calls upon one of three ancient gods of our kind and that those held under for to long..." The boy was bent over his desk, shaking faintly. "Never return from their service."

He darted.

"Detention Longbottom." His voice rang out down the corridor. "Now for the second of the unforgivables." A flick of his wand slammed the door shut. "It is perhaps the worst spell you can ever hope to face. Every compulsion, every charm we can produce to affect another's behaviour is highly limited by the scope of its creation and the will of its wielder. You should know this. Or you would if you hadn't been taught by blubbering buffoons for the last three years."

He had their attention now. "The Imperious curse is an invocation and thus it is not restrained by such trivialities. It does not require the caster's concentration, it does not require set parameters, set emotions and it does not even require much magic." He turned and whispered something. "The only way to detect is by examining the soul."

A spider tap danced across the desk.

A dark smirk lit his face. "The headmaster has graciously allowed me to show you just how it feels like."

"But that's illegal." He looked up at the bushy haired girl and her wild, nervous eyes. She must have been blessed indeed to have guessed his plans so soon.

"Thank you for volunteering. _Imperio_." She almost dodged the invisible curse but he felt it connect. "Aaaargh." He screamed, her mind burned.

"Y-You missed." She stated uneasily, shifting towards the door. The Potter brat's wand was pointed firmly between his eyes. A flick knocked them back against the wall, pinned together like the insolent brats they were.

"I did not miss." He stated coldly. "There are three reasons I can think of that my spell did not effect you. That first is that you're a demon, but if you were you wouldn't have been able to enter this office without invitation. The second is that your will is strong enough to through me off, but that wasn't what happened. The third is more interesting, it means that you're bound by an invocation more powerful than any uforgivable." There was silence.

Cold green eyes stared at him across the gulf between them. His lips twitched. "It would be remiss of me to leave such a security risk in place." His wand darted down, cutting a deep gash across his palm, sketching a bloody symbol in middair. "_Arrako Ikkiri._"

The sickly black bolt spread like ink through the air and slammed against Two-Thirds of the golden trio. The class watched as glowing chains corroded and snapped under the pressure, illusions and plagues sloughing off their forms like mud. Barty Crough Junior watched with a sense of awe as the power he'd called on carried on flowing, his body crisping under the onslaught as ice etched across the floor. Laughter echoed through the realm.

This was the plans of a dark god at work. This was- A third eye emerged from Hermione's forehead and his soul was ripped kicking and screaming into the warp as she screamed at the sight of the demented god he'd invoked.

The world buckled.

~ O ~

The ship groaned and shook. The bridge crew edged uneasily away from the corpse in the centre of the room. Travelling this fast through the warp, attempting to criss-cross currents and twist backwards through time itself was dangerous, harrowing and worse than suicide. Nine navigators acted as one to ensure their safety and it wasn't enough. Demons crawled the decks, the crew were turning to the dark gods for a mere hint of safety and they were running out of time.

Justicar Saul stalked down the corridors, his nemesis blade glowing softly as it repelled the slowly building warp energies of the engine deck. Something was coming, he could feel it in his bones. The scream rang the ships hull like a gong. Lights failed, he collapsed. He felt... something through the warp. Shock, awe, appreciation. Worry.

"Do you feel it?" An old, rhaspy voice asked and he looked up into a pair of black pits. "Do you feel it?" A demon prince demanded as he stood over him in full terminator armour. The geller field was down.

His bolter barked once, twice, psionic rounds ricocheting off a sword of black stone and bone before a psychic flick twisted the gun from his hand to the holster on the demon's leg. He readied his blade, shifted his stance and... Scarred face, white hair. The sigils on the silvered armour. The litanies of hatred. "Draigo." He whispered in horror. "Kaldor Draigo, you're a demon?"

The creature grinned at him, lowering its blade as though it wasn't a demon and there was a fully trained Grey Knight standing in front of it. "I thought it would have been obvious by now. Do you feel it?" Few things will make a Grey Knight admit he has no chance. Staring down at the Grand Master of his order, an ascendant Greater Demon capable of carving its name into the heart of a Demonic Primarch, he fully admitted the creature was one of them.

"I feel it." He muttered uneasily, trying to pin down where the bizarre sensation was coming from. "What... is it?"

Draigo leaned against the wall of the engine room as in the decks below crewhands committed suicide by the hundreds and preachers carved their own sins into their flesh. "What do you know about the Second Legion?"

"The pre-Heresy Second Legion?" Saul asked softly.

"I wasn't aware there was another one." The demon smirked. "They were the greatest failures of the Space Marine project, every single member was a beta level psyker with one very fatal flaw. Innate telepathy. Instant communication through squads separated by light years, group minds steadily emerging if over three hundred were present on a planet. The ability to predict and mimic an enemies fighting style, to rend the warp asunder. Sound familiar? Our chapter is not derived from the Emperor like we would like the Imperium to beleive, we're the last remnants of a failed experiment." It lips twisted. "Amazing what you find out when you become Grand Master, isn't it? Like the knowledge that the Emperor's Primarch Project wasn't his final scheme and that the accident that tore the Primarch's into the warp was one of his other pet projects opening her third eye for the first time."

"The Navigators." Saul breathed. "She's with the Second Primarch, the one that caused this whole mess. They've been stuck in the warp all this time."

"A good guess, but your reasoning is inherently flawed. The emperor had twenty sons and twenty daughters, his champions and their consorts. His Weapons and the Pilots to get them where they were needed, he did unto the Navigator what he did unto the human and in his hubris he forgot one simple little fact." Draigo grimaced, turning away with a snarl. "He forgot that the Navigator's eye was engineered to suppress psychic ability for a very good reason. The girl you will find, number eleven, only survived by having by having a greater demon bind her powers until she was old enough to potentially survive constantly staring into the warp with her sanity intact."

The Justicar shifted his grip and stance uneasily as he looked for any opening or hint in the former grandmaster's deceptively relaxed stance. "Why exactly are you telling me this, demon?" He demanded.

Draigo flinched. "The Ruinous powers are defined by the emotions they represent, Lust, Agony, Fear, Hatred, Rage, Curiosity, Spite. The main four gobble them up wholesale from millions of planets across our galaxy and they embody it. At the end of the fortieth millenium, I noticed something very important: Where is the Despair, the _Self-Loathing_?" It's eyes where alight with unholy fervor. "It's alive." He whispered with glee. "And it wants the warp to _**die**_. Our Primarch for my services. How could I refuse? And now, it's held up its end of the bargain. Make sure he doesn't die."

The geller field reactivated and the Justicar was left standing alone in the corridor. His radio crackled. "Incursion on deck six, I repeat incursion on deck six." He swallowed, looking around edgily, resisting the urge to ask if any of his Battle Brothers could feel a presence. He knew they did, he could feel that too.

"God-Emperor preserve us." Someone whispered. "Mass suicides on deck fourteen... I'm... I'm the only one left."

It had been three days and they weren't there.

~ O ~

Hermione struggled against the anger, the rage, the depression. The mad insanity of a twisting kaleidoscope of broiling emotions and magical energy. "_**Get up.**_" An inhumanely slippy voice demanded with the insistence of a fey wind.

All three of her eyes snapped open as she shook off the miasma: The world had shattered. Everything was broken, the sky naught but an illusion and ashes were tossed about by the howling storm around them. A muffled rasp of pain cawed through the room as she saw a human, blond Ravenclaw overlapped with the hideous shifting form of a four eyed demon. Blood and twisting energy streamed from the wound inflicted on it by flying creatures. They went in for the kill. "No."

Their corpses splattered on the ground and the daemonhost smiled. "_**About damn time you woke up, how's Harry?**_" Her eyes darted to the side, to the only other living mortal in the room. The table he was trapped under shifted, half-healed plague scars mottled his emancipated flesh. Two green eyes met hers.

"You've got three eyes." He stated absently before looking around. "What the hell just happened?"

"I think I went insane." She said quietly. "Because I can see things, you're half dead, she's a demon and none of this makes any sense at all. Oh god..." She took a couple of steps back. "I can... feel you thinking-"

His eyes flicked upwards and parts of the roof fell either side of here. "You're not insane." He muttered. "Because this is really happening and the galaxy is a lot more alive than we think it is. Now, why the fuck is a daemonhost helping us?" His eyes narrowed. "And how do I know what a daemonhost is?" He asked, his fury manifesting as a twisting aura the blackened the ground beneath him.

"_**I'm your friend. The perfect friend.**_" The girl stated as she clambered to her feet. "_**It made the choice almost easy.**_" Her enticing smile was ruined by the twisted visage Hermione could see beyond it. "_**Call me Luna, you won't survive two days without me.**_"

"But why?" He demanded. "Why this? Why this absurd lie?" His eyes searched the two of hers he could. "This planet should be swallowed by demons, cults. Legions of sacrifices... why isn't it?" He demanded.

"Because of us." Hermione whispered softly. "All of this is because of us, but there's so many twists and turns, I can't see all of it." Her eyes darted across something unseen.

"_**Stop.**_" Luna ordered. "_**Reading the fates so close to the Changer of Ways is asking for it's attention.**_" Her blue eyes flinched away from the brunnette's gaze. "_**Its minor demons are the force behind impirio, you wouldn't stand a chance. Trust me.**_" She snarled.

"You're a demon." Harry pointed out.

"_**I'm your friend.**_" She stressed. "_**Listen this entire plan; this scheme has nothing to do with you. They tried that once, tried to snare your Legion in a twisted web and through them, you, but the Emperor got wind of it and blocked us off. Only one Knight has ever fallen to us and he cut himself from you first. This is about your children.**_" Her eyes snapped to his.

"_**One for each power. The firstborn, the Voidlord, **__**the Twister of Fate, the second, the Daughter, **__**the Eternal Princess and the last, the stillborn, the Mad Doctor.**_" She claimed with reverence. "_**Primarch's to a new trio of Legions that would have bled the galaxy dry. That was your fate until Mallus intervened, and I would have been with you every step of the way. I still am.**_" There was silence for a moment. "_**We should leave.**_"

"There's a ship on its way." Harry stated evenly. "All we need to do is survive until they get here."

Hermione looked up and laughed nervously. "That's not a ship, Harry, that's an armada."

Luna snorted. "_**It doesn't matter, we should secure the Blade of Arricath and some food before the plagues contaminate them all.**_"

"The blade of-"

"_**Gryffindor's **__**Force **__**Sword.**_" She cut Hermione's question off with a roll of her eyes. "_**It will answer to Harry or be destroyed.**_"

Harry let out a small whistle. "I'll explain on the way." He stated, picking up on Hermione's confusion. "What I've managed to pick up on anyway. Short answer is, we're now on hell on Earth, or not Earth as the case may be."

Hermione blinked, though it didn't stop her Seeing. "I wondered why the stars had changed." she muttered to herself, before turning to walk down the path that would lead them to the sword.

"Hermione." Harry yelled sharply, catching her wrist as she stepped away. "Stay in reality, it's too dangerous to step into the warp when it's like this." The girl's attention shifted from him, to the direction she was travelling in and back again, barely catching the edge of the portal she'd woven.

"I... didn't feel myself make it..." She muttered. "What are we?"

Harry coughed, swallowing back the blood. "I don't know any more."

~ O ~

_AN: And the world was ashes. This isn't really going anywhere I want to follow it, but I figured it was worth posting.  
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